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Lori
I hiccup and sit back in my chair, wiping the tears from my face. The sun has long since set, leaving me in the near dark with only my desk lamp to light the room. Writing Ashland’s story is taking even more of a toll on me than I imagined it would. Her pain seeps through the words on these pages, haunting me. Or perhaps it’s not her pain I’m feeling at all. Maybe it’s my own.
Unlike Ashland, I never attempted to tell any of my friends or family what was happening to me, but I’m certain they would’ve reacted in the same manner. Paul was and still remains a standup guy in the eyes of the people who know him. They believe him to be a devoted husband and doting father. It would be much easier for everyone to believe that the two of us simply had an affair than it would be for them to wrap their minds around the horrible things he did to me.
I know all too well the hopelessness Ashland must’ve felt. The doubt and uncertainty. The shame and self-blame. I experienced it all. It’s what broke me, caused my heart to harden.
The pounding on my door causes me to nearly jump out of my own skin, a shrill scream escaping me as I hurriedly come to my feet. But as it continues, my startled state quickly turns into anger. I look over at the clock, stomping toward my front door. It’s only nine o’clock, but still too late for uninvited guests.
I peek through the peephole to find Cat’s tear-stained face, and my heart sinks as I rush to open the door. She’s heaving as if trying to catch her breath, her narrowed eyes cold as they glare at me.
“Cat? What’s going on?”
“You,” she spits, her hands balled at her sides. “Is there anyone in this town you haven’t slept with?”
Her words feel like a slap in the face. “Excuse me?”
“Spencer,” she shouts, causing my stomach to drop. “He told me everything, but I want to hear it from you. I want to hear from my best friend why she thought it was acceptable to lie to me.”
“I never lied to you,” I say, lamely.
She lets out a spiteful laugh. “Omitting the truth is still a lie, Lori. I know your moral compass is a little skewed, but surely even you can grasp that.”
Cat has every right to be upset with me for not telling her the truth about Spencer, but her words are cruel and hurtful, sparking my own anger.
“Does that mean you finally told him the truth about what happened with Lawrence?”
She pales, her eyes watering as her chin quivers. I almost feel guilty for asking.
“He knows, things are over between us.”
My chest tightens as a sob escapes her lips.
“Oh, Cat…I’m so sorry.”
She recoils from me as I try to reach out to comfort her.
“Oh yeah, I bet you are. He didn’t end things because of Lawrence, he ended them because of you.”
I shake my head. “Me? What are you talking about?”
“Just stop, Lori. You know Spencer has feelings for you. I think he may even be in love with you.”
It feels as if someone has knocked the wind out of me.
Spencer has feelings for me. In love. It can’t be true.
“The poor guy. I guess he hasn’t realized yet that you’re not capable of loving someone. He doesn’t know he’s been caught in the black widow’s web.”
Tears prick my eyes, but I try to hold them back, gripping onto the door to keep my balance. I’ve never known Cat to be so bitterly mean, but I can’t say I don’t deserve the hate she’s spewing to some degree. I lied to her, and though I have doubts about Spencer’s feelings for me, I’m certain that I’m harboring some for him.
“Tell me, were you sleeping with him this entire time?”
My mouth drops open as I shake my head in disbelief. “I’m going to pretend this entire conversation never happened. I think you should go. We can talk once you’ve calmed down.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I’m leaving. But we won’t be talking about this later. Or ever, for that matter.”
She huffs as she spins on her heel, sprinting to her car. I watch as she speeds away, trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
