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By the time I was sitting in the passenger seat with my seatbelt on, I felt better. So what if everyone knew about Dominic and me? It couldn’t have stayed a secret forever. I never even wanted it to stay a secret forever. We wouldn’t walk into work tomorrow and start making out in the kitchen as the cooks eyeballed us, but at least the big reveal was out of the way. This should actually be a good thing. Why didn’t I feel like it was a good thing?
Tara sang along to the radio and left me to my inner monologue as we headed west on the freeway.
“You okay over there?” she finally asked.
“Yeah. Sorry I flipped out a little.”
She winked at me. “No worries.”
I laced my fingers together in my lap. “It’s so new,” I said. “I mean, we spent weeks in a will-they-or-won’t-they kind of status, and already it just feels so right it’s kind of scary. I think it’s my ingrained cynicism that keeps warning me that something bad is bound to happen.”
“Like what?” Tara asked gently.
“I don’t know.” I heaved a gigantic sigh. “There’re times when we’re together, and it’s like there’s no one on earth except the two of us. And then other times it feels like a struggle.”
“What feels like a struggle?”
I didn’t know how to explain it, why I felt like there was an invisible barrier that only allowed me partial access to Dominic.
“Finding a way in,” I answered slowly. “Reaching a level of intimacy that tells me what makes him tick.”
She kept her eyes on the road but nodded. “Can’t necessarily help you there. Dominic can be something of an enigma.”
I studied my friend. “Was it hard with Gio?”
“Gio?” She broke into a wide grin. “No, nothing was hard with Giovanni. We just fit. Like a lock and key.”
“I’m so crazy about him, Tara,” I blurted out, and immediately felt embarrassed.
She patted my knee and smiled. “I know you are.”
“I’m just not sure what happens now.”
“What do you want to happen?”
I thought about it. “I want to be with him. I want to come first with him. Is that selfish?”
Tara shook her head. “No, Mel, that’s not selfish.”
I chewed my lip. “Is it possible? I know his history. I know in the past he’s had his fun now and then, but doesn’t do relationships. The restaurants are his relationship. That’s what he loves.”
Tara pulled over to the side of the road and gave me her full attention. “That’s not the only thing he loves, Melanie.”
I sank into the seat a little and sighed. “I know he loves your family, Tara. He’d do anything for you guys, so I know he has a good heart. I’m just wondering if there’s really room for me in it.”
She looked straight ahead, the light from the streetlamps washing over her thoughtful profile. “There are layers there. Layers that I’m certain no one has ever been able to peel away, not even Gio. Dominic’s like my brother, but I don’t know everything about him.” She paused. “Remember a few minutes ago when you said you were crazy about him?”
“Yes. I am.”
She touched my hand comfortingly. “Start there. Whatever Dominic’s flaws, Gio told me he’s never seen anyone get to Dominic the way you have. That means something, doesn’t it?”
Now it was my turn to be thoughtful. “I hope so.”
Tara seemed satisfied and returned to the road. Lucy would have hounded me by now for some dirty bedroom details, but Tara didn’t. Then again Dominic was her brother-in-law, so she probably didn’t want to hear tales of his sexual prowess.
At the museum, we walked through the gallery, giggling and sampling more than our fair share of stuffed mushrooms from the hors d’oeuvres platters. It was an early night because Tara had promised her mother she’d pick up Leah before ten thirty.
When we left the museum, I looked toward downtown, thinking of Esposito’s and wondering if Dominic was still there cleaning up since it had closed half an hour earlier. Tara dropped me off at my car before heading to get Leah. I scanned the parking lot for Dominic’s silver pickup truck but didn’t see any sign of it. I wished I did. I wanted to see him here, in his own environment. I wanted to know what kind of sheets he chose for his bed and what color his couch was. These were small, insignificant things, but I wanted to know them anyway.
