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Because I’m in love. I’m in love with Ben.
“I’ve been waiting for you.” I close the door behind me because I don’t want to be on display when I step into his arms for a long, passionate kiss.
Ben doesn’t hold back. He gets one hand wound up in my hair and uses the other to circle around my waist, pinning me close so I’ll feel him, all of him; the broad warmth of his chest and the hard evidence of his desire. I answer with my tongue and by pressing my hips to his so he’ll know I want him too. I always want him. I damn near lose my head every time we kiss.
“Missed you,” he breathes into my ear.
“Want you,” I whisper back and pull at his belt for emphasis.
“You’re killing me, baby,” he groans and presses into me harder. “I’m about two seconds from going all caveman and dragging you off to the backseat of the frigging car.”
I glance at the vehicle sitting by itself at the curb in the darkness. “Speaking of your mother’s car, what’s she doing tonight?”
He exhales and rakes a hand through his hair. “You sure as hell picked an odd moment to start talking about my mother.”
“Sorry.” I giggle and slide my arms around his waist, glad that his jacket is open so I can get closer.
“My mom went out. Big date or whatever. She bought a new dress. At least she’s not seeing Dirtbag. It’s some other guy.”
I’m not sure how to respond. Ben and his mother have something of an uneven relationship. I’ve met her a few times by now and she’s always very sweet but there’s also an anxious quality about her. She obviously loves her son, is always delighted to see the two of us together and encourages me to call her Michele. When she teases Ben to behave like a gentleman he gets annoyed. I wonder if she still would have chosen to go out if Ben had no plans tonight.
I change the subject. “I wish you could come with us to Pennington tomorrow. My grandma would love to meet you and we’ll be home before dark.”
“I already promised Dee that I’d work. We’re only open for six hours though. I can come over after.”
“Good.” I kiss his lips. “Let’s go inside. It’s cold out here.”
“Wait.” Ben pulls me back and produces a silver wrapped box from his pocket. “I want you to open your present first.”
At heart I’m still a kid who loves receiving a gift, any gift, and I unwrap the box with eagerness. Then I just stare at the object within.
Ben mistakes my silence for confusion. “It’s a fountain pen.”
“I know. I’ve always wanted one.”
“Your initials are engraved on the side. You always seem to prefer the old school way of jotting thoughts down in your notebook so I thought you should have something special to use.”
This boy. He gets me.
“Thank you, Ben. I love it.”
And I’m also feeling a little inadequate now because his gift doesn’t seem nearly as thoughtful. I bought him a couple of warm hooded sweatshirts because that’s his wardrobe of choice when he’s not in school clothes.
I throw my arms around him and we spend a long moment just holding each other.
He keeps his arms around my waist but lifts his head so he can peer down at me. “For years I couldn’t stand the holidays.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Doesn’t matter. It’s not the case this year. You know why?”
“Tell me.”
“Because of you.” He kisses my forehead. “You make me remember how to be happy, Camden.”
It’s a very sweet and very sad thing to say. My heart leaps at the same time that it breaks. Terrible things have happened to Ben, things that are so awful he can’t even talk about them. And I can’t really help him with that. All I can do is hold him tightly and give him all the love in my heart.
I take his hand and hold it to my chest so he can feel the rapid beat within.
