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“Hey Z. I’m not too sure how to say all this, and I don’t expect you to understand. Amelia, she’s doing something really good here. I know that life held captive by Syndicate is hell on earth, but you have to understand… I volunteered for this. There’s people watching out for me. I play a role, and I help get inside information. Amelia could have me extracted at any time, I just gotta say the word. So this time, I need you to trust me, Z. One day this will all be over, but until then… just trust me? And hear Charles out. Yeah, he’s a piece of shit for leaving you behind but, he’s doing good things here too. Oh, and I heard Cole is going to be ok? I’m so thankful for that. You’ve got a good one big bro. Don’t let him go, ok? Just… I love you, Z.”
The screen goes dark and all I can do is breathe. Time stands still, but my brain keeps moving at warp speed, trying to process everything I just learned. I spent a decade looking for answers that were somehow within reach all along. A decade trying to find someone who didn’t even want to be found.
What do I do now?
“W-was that? I… Q?”
My eyes flick up from the phone to find Cole limping into the room. Jumping from my seat, I run to his side, slipping my arm beneath his, attempting to support him without putting too much pressure on his wounds.
“I don’t understand… that voice…” his brow furrows and he cocks his head to the side looking at me. “I thought I was going crazy… I thought she wasn’t real.”
“Cole, what do you mean?” I ask, as I guide him down to the couch, and curl up beside him. Riot and Hannah watch intently from the other side of the room, but don’t move a muscle, and it’s honestly in their best interest. I don’t want anything between Cole and I. Not now, not ever again.
“Q… I thought she was just a figment of my imagination, but I heard your video. I don’t understand. She held my hand Zeke. She held my hand and made me feel like I wasn’t alone in that cage. She was my haven in the beginning.”
His eyes meet mine, and so much light is gone. Those hazel eyes with flecks of gold are so dull, they look like they belong to someone else now. Like he exited that cell as an entirely different human being.
“She… Well, I guess she goes by Q… She is my foster sister, Ellie. She’s been missing a long time, but it would seem she wasn’t really missing after all.”
“Z, I’m sorry,” he whispers, leaning into my chest.
“Don’t,” I mumble as I flick my eyes up to Hannah and Riot, “Can we just leave now?”
They exchange a knowing glance, and before they can respond, Charles walks into the room behind them. “Can I say something first?”
“Jesus fucking christ, I’ve had enough of this,” I cry out.
“Zeke, I just need you to understand something, and then I will leave.”
“What?” I growl, ready for him to spit out whatever bullshit he has to say so we can leave.
“The Syndicate was responsible for your mother’s death. I was working for them, wrapped up in them, blinded by the lifestyle we were living. I turned an eye to the things that they were doing, but when your mother found out, she wouldn’t let it go. She ended up dead for that. Her death changed me. I couldn’t be what you needed… So I turned you over to the state with forged documents. I turned to Amelia. I flipped on them and now I work for her. Hate me, that’s fine. But the rest of these people? Your real family? They went through hell to get you back. Don’t take it out on them.”
“Are you done?” I grit through my teeth. I’m not sure what he’s expecting from me with his long winded speech. It’s like he’s hoping to tap into my empathetic side, but when it comes to him, I have no empathy left.
“Yeah,” he nods as he takes several steps forward, reaching into the inside pocket of his jacket. Retrieving a thick envelope, he holds it out, waiting for me to take it, so I do. “That’s for you. She loved you. You were too young to remember her, but you deserve to know Zeke… You were loved.”
Drawing in a deep breath, I hold my head high, refusing to meet Charles’ gaze. Instead I look directly past him at Riot who happens to be doing everything in his power to avoid my gaze. Digging the toe of his shoe into the floor, he shoves his hands in his pockets while looking everywhere but at me.
“Now can we leave?”
Cole’s head rests on my shoulder as Arsenal drives down the interstate in the direction of Havok Hills. It’s the middle of the night, but I refused to stay under that roof for one more millisecond. All I could think of was getting Cole back to somewhere familiar. Somewhere safe.
I’ve caught Riot looking at us in the mirror of the sun visor a few times, but I can’t bring myself to speak to him right now. I know I won’t hate him forever, but right now, I’m still reeling. I’m still seething. I’m trying to reconcile the things that happened, with the bombs that just detonated, turning everything I thought I knew about my life into a wasteland.
“I’m so sorry, Cole,” I whisper so low that I’m certain he can’t hear me over the hum of the engine. “If I never would have gone digging up the ghosts of my past, you’d have never gone through any of this. I’ll spend forever fixing what I broke. I promise.”
The soft sigh that leaves his lips tells me that he’s probably asleep, and that’s ok. He didn’t need to hear what I had to say, I just needed to say it. I needed to put it out into the universe. Because promises aren’t enough to repair the destruction, I’ll have to prove it one day at a time.
Dropping my head to the side, I rest it on top of Cole’s as I fumble with the envelope that Charles handed me. His words weigh heavily on my soul, and to be honest, while it doesn’t make me hate him any less, I’m not sure that my actions would have been much different if I had been in his shoes all those years ago. I can understand how the loss would have catapulted him headlong into such a deep grief that he couldn’t be a father.
However, the fact remains that while I’m filled with so much resentment, curiosity is slowly seeping through the cracks. He said that I was loved. That she loved me. Running my thumb across the seal of the envelope, I war with myself over whether I want to go there, or if I want to remain in the dark. Will seeing what’s in here change anything for me? Or will it just cause more heartache?
“Mmm, if you don’t open it, I will,” Cole’s sleepy voice interrupts my thoughts and I’m momentarily stunned. I thought he was sleeping, but it’s clear I assumed wrong.
Does that mean?
“And quit beating yourself up. It’s not your fault. You didn’t hurt me, Z. You kept me breathing.”
