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Riley pulled back just enough to see Harlow’s eyes; all the while Harlow kept her arms around her waist.
“I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a while but I never could read your vibe. Then tonight, I don’t know. Things felt different and I couldn’t wait any longer.”
“I’m glad you followed your instinct.”
“Me too,” Riley giggled, then yawned. “Sorry. This has nothing to do with that kiss and everything to do with the fact I’m beyond sleepy.”
“I am, too.” Taking Riley’s hand, Harlow lifted it to her lips and kissed it. “It’s late. We should go to bed.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
Heading back down the stairs, Harlow watched Riley lock the doors and turn off the lights as she sat quietly on the couch. Harlow was unsure if Riley was expecting more than what she was ready to give her yet. Riley handed Harlow the remote and crossed her arms over her chest.
“I don’t know if you like to watch TV before bed. We don’t have a TV in our bus room, and we’ve never talked about it.”
“I usually just scroll on my phone until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore.”
Riley laughed again. “I figured.”
It was clear that Riley was nervous and unsure how to end their conversation. The problem was, Harlow didn’t know either. She knew that some people jumped right into bed with someone after a kiss, but that was never going to be Harlow. But she also didn’t want to have that conversation with Riley just yet.
“Well, goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Riley.”
Harlow watched Riley scurry into the bedroom, softly closing the door behind her. If she was expecting something else, she hadn’t said as much or acted like she wanted that either. Sooner rather than later, Harlow would have to tell Riley that sex would have to come much later in their relationship. Assuming Riley wanted a relationship. Harlow did, no matter how much that scared her. The thought of not seeing Riley ever again after the tour was more than Harlow wanted to think about.
Laying on the couch, Harlow fluffed a pillow before pulling a blanket up over her body. She picked up her phone on the table and checked her email. There were too many notifications to deal with half asleep, so she returned her phone to the table. Sighing, Harlow stared up at the ceiling where a sliver of light was shining on the ceiling through the break in the black out curtains.
Her brain replayed the kiss over and over and she smiled into their pillow. No one has ever made her feel this way before. She felt like she was a teenager with their first crush. And maybe in a way she was. She’d only accepted her asexuality a few years ago, so everything was still new and occasionally exciting to her.
“Harlow?” Riley walked out of the bedroom sheepishly. She was twisting the hem of her Nirvana T-shirt around her fingers. Harlow sat up and looked at her.
“Yeah?”
“This is going to sound so weird,” she sighed, dramatically putting a hand to her forehead. “But I’ve gotten so used to sleeping in the same bed as you that I can’t fall asleep without you beside me now.”
“Oh.” Harlow’s brain was borderline sputtering for a response. Was Riley really just wanting to sleep with Harlow beside her or did she want sex? It was time to get the hard conversation out of the way before things went any farther. “Riley, I need to tell you something.”
She watched her words hit Riley, and she shuddered slightly at them. Nodding, Riley softly said, “Okay.” Riley sat on the arm of the oversized chair across from Harlow and waited patiently for Harlow to continue.
“So, I don’t know if I should have mentioned this sooner, but I’m asexual. I don’t jump into bed with anyone because it takes me forever to feel sexual attraction. I’m attracted to you, don’t get me wrong. But I’m not up for sex right now, and honestly I can’t guarantee I’ll ever get there and that’s probably something you don’t want to deal with and I totally get that. I’m messed up, I know.”
Harlow exhaled sharply, feeling the weight of having her truth out in the open lift off her shoulders. She expected Riley to recoil and say just kidding. But instead, Riley smiled at her. And it was a sweet smile; not a forced smile.
“Harlow,” she walked over to the couch and sat beside her, “thank you for telling me that. And I need you to know that I would never force you to do something you didn’t want to do. That’s why I asked before I kissed you. I respect you, Harlow.”
“I respect you, too.”
“And when I said I can’t sleep without you, that wasn’t code for sex. That was me being open with you and letting you know I like sleeping with you. Literally just sleeping with you. And, if you’d rather not sleep on the couch, I’m offering you half of my bed. I’m not expecting anything else, I promise.”
Harlow didn’t know what to say. No one had ever been as understanding as Riley was about her sexuality. More often than not, the people she’d tried to date had either left or ghosted her after they found out sex wasn’t going to happen immediately. But it was further proof that Riley was different.
“And, for what it’s worth, sex isn’t a big deal for me in a relationship. I mean, it’s nice and all, and I think on some level it’s needed to deepen a relationship. But it’s not a dealbreaker for me if sex isn’t always on the table or for a while. It’s all good, I promise. And I never want to hear you say you’re messed up again, okay? I think you’re pretty damn great just the way you are.”
“Thanks, Riley,” Harlow blushed.
“Hey,” she placed a hand on Harlow’s knee and squeezed, “I got you.”
