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“I’m right here, baby.”
He presses a kiss to my hip bone, his stubble grazing the sensitive skin there. It feels rough and deliciously good. I want to feel it against other sensitive places, but not as much as I want to be filled with his cock.
“No, need you. Need—I’m ready,” I tell him. “Come on. Come—come fuck me. Please.”
“You’re tight, Nol.” He wiggles his two fingers that my hole is clinging to like a fucking vise. “I know in the past… but it’s been a while. You gotta let me open you up for me.”
“No, no, ready, I’m ready. Want it. Don’t mind if it hurts a little. Want it to hurt a little.” I bite down on my bottom lip, realizing I’m dangerously close to giving him information I’m not ready to share. Information I may not ever be ready to share. “Maison, please.”
“Nolan, I can’t hurt you.” He cups my cheek, his blue eyes impossibly desperate. Agonized, almost. “Please don’t ask me to hurt you.”
Well… fuck.
“O-okay,” I whisper, wondering how it’s possible for your body to feel so good while your heart breaks. I guess it shouldn’t be that surprising. How many times have I felt good while also experiencing pain? How many times did they force me to come during my own torture? It hurts worse this time, though. So much fucking worse. Because I love him, I need him, and I’m realizing I’m going to have to put that above anything else. “Okay, yeah. You can keep going. Sorry.”
His smile is relieved. He adds more lube and starts working the third finger into me just as he brings his smiling lips to mine. I fight the urge to sob, trying to lose myself in the kiss instead of lingering on the realization that’s trying to tear me apart inside.
Maybe he’ll still be dominant, I think as he kisses me. He doesn’t have to hurt me to give me the freedom of submission. I can do it without pain. I can. If that’s what he wants as my dominant, if that’s what pleases him, then I totally fucking can.
“That’s it,” he breathes against my mouth. I realize what he’s referring to when he reaches his free hand down to wrap around my aching cock. It must have softened for a moment. “Feeling good, baby?”
“Good,” I admit. It is good. It’s not everything I want, but it’s enough. It always will be with him. “It’s good, Mais.”
He kisses me a final time as he works the rest of his third finger into me. The kisses are lazy, almost filthy in the way his lips and tongue work against mine before dragging across my jaw and down the side of my throat. I feel overheated and needy. I try not to ask him to fuck me again. I really fucking try.
I don’t last much longer. “I’m ready. I promise, I’m ready now.”
“Yeah,” he pants against my throat. “Yeah, okay. I’ll give it to you now, baby.”
I nearly sob with relief, swallowing the sound as he pulls back to grab the lube. “Condom?”
“My tests are all negative,” I whisper, trying not to feel ashamed of my past. “I—I want to feel you. Be… full of you.”
His eyes go stormy. He doesn’t grab a condom. His hands shake as he soaks his cock. It doesn’t seem like the bad kind of shaking, though. Not from the way his eyes are locked onto me with that intensity that always makes me feel like he wants to fucking devour me.
“Is it okay like this?” he asks as he moves toward me again. “Face to face?”
My throat feels tight. No one has ever asked me that. No one has ever asked me how I want things to go. It feels… amazing? But also terrifying.
“It’s okay,” I tell him, hoping he thinks my voice sounds like it does because I’m excited and not because it feels like there’s a fucking fist in my throat.
He guides my legs until they’re bent at the knee, spread, and pushed back. It’s a position I’ve been in before. Not as often as face down, ass up or hands and knees, but often enough to know how it works. I wrap my hands around the backs of my thighs to help my hip flexors, knowing I’m out of shape and they’ll need it.
Maison kisses the inside of each of my calves before moving up to his knees and settling the head of his cock against my hole. I can’t help but sigh as he starts pushing in. He was right to want to prep me, of course, his cock thick and long. Even with the prep, it burns. Not as much as I’d like it to burn, but enough. It feels good. So fucking good. God, it feels like a piece of myself is slotting into place.
The sob I’ve been fighting finally breaks free when he bottoms out. He tenses before pulling his upper half away so he can look at me. Before he can ask what’s wrong—or worse, ask if he should stop—I wrap my arms around him and pull him flush against me again.
“Don’t stop,” I sob. I can feel hot tears running down my cheeks. Can feel my body trembling against his. “It’s good, it’s good, don’t stop.”
“Okay.” He presses kisses along the side of my face, not seeming to mind when his lips drag through tears. “It’s good? Promise?”
“So good. God, Mais.” I sob again, my hole clenching around him. “Full. So full.”
“Mmm. Do you like being full, baby?”
I shiver. Fuck. Between the euphoric feeling of finally being full again and the sound of his wrecked voice as he talks dirty, I might just come without him even moving. “So much. So, so much. Wanna be full of you forever.”
He chuckles. “We’ll see if we can arrange that. Now just relax and let me fuck you real good, okay, baby?”
