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My body trembled, quaking and shuddering. I tried to hold on, clenching my jaw as I rolled my hips, forcing myself to rub. Until that dam inside me broke, and I crumpled.
I slumped against him, dropping my head against his shoulder. Choked sobs tore free as I dropped my hands, gripping his shirt. “I hate you,” I whispered. “I hate you for not forcing me. I hate you for…I just hate.”
“Hate me,” he murmured. “Hate me all you want. I won’t force myself on you, Helene. I’m not my…I’m not my brother.”
I lifted my head and through the blur of tears, I saw him.
A ghost, waiting.
I shifted my focus to his lips, to that hard mouth and his guarded eyes. I tasted the salt of my tears as I lowered my head and kissed him. His mouth moved, parting, inviting me.
My hands trembled as I cupped his face and that mask.
I deepened the kiss, taking more as his hands circled my back.
But he never dragged me deeper, just let me cling to him.
Like he was my life raft in that black, endless lake.
When he broke, the kiss he gripped the back of my neck, holding my gaze to his. “I see you, Helene,” he murmured huskily. “Maybe better than you see yourself right now.”
Tears still streamed down my face.
I felt ugly at that moment, ugly, choked, and raw. Rawer than I’d ever allowed myself to be in my entire life. He pulled me close and those big arms wrapped around me. “Give me everything, Helene. Give me…everything.”
My chest caved as I wept and my shoulders curled in. I barely even noticed as he gathered me up in his arms and moved, rocking forward with his massive body and rose from the sofa.
I clung to him as he walked, his big body still rocking me as we went down the stairs and back out into the night.
“My shirt,” I moaned.
“Leave it,” he answered. “You can wear mine.”
I closed my eyes, letting the ghost of a man take care of me in the kind of way my father never had. He strode back through the door of the main house, stopping only long enough to close the door behind us and engage the locks.
Silence.
That’s all there was with him.
Somehow, it was all I needed.
He climbed the stairs, his arms wrapped firmly around me, hugging me against him. I didn’t even look where we were headed, only cared about how he felt, and right then, that was safe. Yes, this man…this ghost was the safest thing I’d felt in a long time.
He turned, and gently lowered us on top of the bed. I dropped my leg from his side, curled against him, and shifted the other leg.
“Don’t,” he murmured, his voice a low growl in the dark. “Don’t leave.”
I didn’t, shifting it back as I caged myself around him.
He lay like that, boots still on, his arms wrapped around me. The warmth of his body and the steady rise of his chest were constant, lulling me. There was no pull of the depths this time, no nightmare waiting to pull me down.
Just calmness.
My eyelids fluttered, then closed as sleep staked its claim.
SIX
Helene
