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Panic boomed, casting flickers of white sparks in my eyes as I rinsed and lifted my hands. Water dripped from my shaking hands as I stared at the edges of my nails. The faint trace of blood was still there.
God will show me the way. My own empty words returned. God will show me the way.
I needed to get out of here. I needed to…run.
I stumbled out of the bathroom and lurched toward the stairs. Sparks still danced in my eyes as I staggered outside and turned to the mountain, then started to climb.
God will show me.
God will show me the way.
Rocks kicked out from under my feet as I climbed. I forced myself to focus on the movement as my feet found the trail I’d run over and over, until my breaths deepened and the burn of my muscles pushed in. When I reached the top, I stopped and just stood. My hands continued to shake, drawing my focus. I still saw the blood, even if it wasn’t there. In my mind, it was. In my mind, I killed Cassius over and over again.
I lifted my gaze to the blue sky.
That ache I carried in my chest grew tighter.
Please, tell me I did the right thing.
I beg of you.
I searched the heavens, watching as a heavy, dark cloud blocked out the sun, casting me into the shadows. An emptiness filled me, one that seemed to push me further from God.
It was wrong, what I’d done.
I clenched my fists beside me.
I was wrong.
I WAS GODDAMN WRONG!
Agony tore through my chest with a sob. My shoulders curled as I closed my eyes. You betrayer…you goddamn betrayer. Warmth slid down my cheeks as I stood there, until a hand landed on my shoulder.
“Go away, Hunter,” I said, my voice husky and thick.
Still the weight lingered, forcing me to open my eyes and turn around.
Only my brother wasn’t there.
No one was.
Sunlight splashed across the ground at my feet, the afternoon rays finding a crack in the cloud. I stopped crying and stared instead as that pure luminescent glow brightened. Only, as it fell across the cracks in the mountain, it formed a cross.
A cross.
I lifted my gaze to the sky, finding that single perfect beam shining through and looked again. The cross was there, as plain as my own hands. But as I watched, it slowly dulled, faded, and disappeared altogether.
But it was there.
Right in front of me.
I stumbled forward, found the crevice in the stone the light had shone upon, and knelt. The rock was warm to my touch. Fingers splayed, palms pressed, I leaned down and closed my eyes as I pressed my cheek against the warmth.
He came to me.
He…came to me.
My chest trembled and my throat thickened until I could barely breathe. I stayed like that, with my face pressed against the mountain, shaking and crying, until the clouds moved on and the sun’s rays dulled. But it didn’t matter. I knew now. I knew that fighting evil was a battle worth getting bloody for, and Father Cassius had been evil.
