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My heart thumped hard, and despite the cold, heat prickled beneath my skin. I loosened my scarf and unzipped my jacket. A cold sweat broke out on my brow. This was a stupid fucking idea, but no matter how much I second-guessed this decision, my legs wouldn’t move.
I was here for the duration. I watched the familiar scenery beyond the window, recognising the route I’d taken many times.
About an hour later, I disembarked at the bus station and made the long walk to the house I’d shared with Stuart.
As I arrived, the front door opened, and I half expected to see the monster that had tried to end my life. I stepped backwards out of sight, watching as a mother and two children left, closely followed by a man who in no way resembled Stuart.
I blew out a breath. My heart slowed a little but didn’t return to normal. Images of the night it had happened flashed before my eyes, and I stumbled against the cold brick wall.
“Are you okay, mister?” A young boy, no more than seven or eight, stood in front of me.
“Come away, Roman. Leave the nice man alone.” The mother ushered the child back to the car but turned back to me. “Do you need anything? A glass of water, maybe?”
“I’ll be fine, thank you. I was just having a dizzy spell.”
What could I tell her? A man beat me to within an inch of my life inside the house you call a home, and I was having a panic attack. That would have gone down like a lead balloon.
“Here, come inside and have a sit-down. You look ever so pale.” Before I could say no or resist, she took my arm and guided me inside the house.
I hesitated at the doorway, unwilling to take another step. Different wallpaper covered the walls, and wooden floors had replaced the carpet. The smell of baby powder filled my nose, nothing like the stench of piss and vomit I’d last encountered in this godforsaken house.
“I don’t want to keep you. You were going out. It’s fine.” I backed away, but she took my arm again.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I couldn’t leave you standing on the pavement, looking for the world as if you were about to lose your lunch. What sort of person would that make me?”
She handed me a cool glass of water and leant her hip against the worktop, her arms folded.
I sipped it, and a sense of normality returned.
“I’ve not seen you around before. Are you new to the area?” she asked.
That was the thing with people from this part of the country. Scousers were famed for being social. Some might call it nosy. Not that I was complaining. I just didn’t fancy explaining why I was here, standing outside her house like a stalker.
“I live in the city. I was at a loose end and jumped onto the first bus I saw. It led me here.” Not a complete lie but also not the full truth.
“Megan, are you coming? The kids are getting restless.” The guy entered the kitchen, surprise on his face.
I placed the glass on the drainer. “I shouldn’t keep you any longer. Thank you for the water. I’ll be on my way.” Something about seeing him there in the kitchen set off all kinds of red flags, and I was eager to go.
“Well, I’m Megan. This is Billie. If you’re ever passing again, pop in.”
“I’m Liam, and maybe I will.” I had no intention of dropping in.
“It was my pleasure.” She smiled brightly. “But my husband is right. We’d best be going.”
I thanked her again and took my leave, returning Roman’s small wave as I passed the car.
I took one last look at the house that held far too many horrific memories, and vowed never to step foot in there again.
Another fifteen minutes and I was standing outside the scene of Ziggy’s assault. Seemed I was a glutton for punishment today.
Again, everything looked different. Was this the same house? I checked the number. Yep, number seventeen. Unlike Ziggy, I had fond memories of this place.
Stuart and I had been happy when we’d visited, and Ziggy had always cooked the best food. Most of the time, I was ‘little Liam’ and took little to no notice of what was happening right in front of me. It was only later I understood their intentions with him.
The house was quiet. No one arrived; no one left.
Eventually, the biting cold drove me to the cafe Ziggy and Beau used to work at, Sandy’s Small Delights. But it was no longer called that. It was now a popular coffee chain, all the charm gone, replaced by a generic environment. I ordered a hot chocolate and took a seat overlooking the ocean. Crosby really didn’t hold many wonderful memories for me or my friends.
