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FORTY-EIGHT
ROWAN
I awaken on Monday to the sound of crying.
I check the clock, blinking though the heavy haze of sleep. Unable to shut off my brain, I was up all night. The last time I looked at the clock was four-thirty. I must’ve fallen asleep shortly after.
I look over my shoulder at the indentation of Shepherd’s body. The covers are thrown to the side, his pillow askew. He didn’t sleep well either.
Frowning, I flip off the covers, slip on my house shoes. Hurrying down the hallway, I pull on my robe, wrapping it tightly at the waist.
Shepherd is sitting at the kitchen table, head in hands, sobbing. On the floor next to him is a shattered cup centered in a puddle of coffee.
My adrenaline surges. Something is very, very wrong.
“Shep!” I rush into the room. “What’s wrong?”
“Rowan. I…”
“Talk to me, Shepherd, please.”
“I’ve—I’ve made some bad decisions,” he says.
“I know, I know.” I drop to my knees next to him, cutting my skin on a shard of broken porcelain. I grip onto his thighs, look up at him. “I know, Shep, I know everything. It’s okay, I’ll fix it. I’ll fix all of it.”
He frowns, looks down at me. His eyes are so red from crying they look demonic.
Has he taken his pills? Dammit, I should have?—
“Fix it?” he asks. “How?”
“Just don’t worry. I’ve got it under control. Just know that I forgive you. I forgive you, I forgive you. We’ll fix this.”
It has been a very long time since I have seen my husband this emotional.
He drags in a deep inhale, his lip quivering. The tears start again.
“It’s just that I’ve felt so distant from you,” he says, wiping his eyes with the back of his hands. “And she, well, she was there.”
The instant dropping of my stomach is so intense I feel I’m falling from the sky. My entire body freezes.
I don’t speak. I can’t.
“I love her, Rowan. I really do.”
I release his legs as if they’re on fire. Emma’s face flashes behind my eyes. So beautiful and perfect.
I scramble backward on my bottom, sliding on the spilled coffee, then push off the floor and stare down at him.
“What?” I say, barely audible. “I thought you were talking about?—”
He cuts me off. “I don’t want to leave town with you right now, Rowan—I want to leave you.”
My ears start ringing.
“You want a divorce?”
“Yes.”
