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Did I need her for something? No, I needed her for nothing.
“I don’t need a woman,” I said. “I’m perfectly fine on my own.”
I had my routine down. It never once bothered me to go home to my empty cabin. Not until the day she arrived here. Since meeting her, every night I looked around my cabin, trying to figure out what was missing.
“Okay,” she said with a shrug.
My words didn’t seem to bother her in the slightest. Didn’t she get it?
“I’m happy with my life the way it is,” I said. “I have work, my truck, and a couple of buddies I get together with for beers every weekend. Some chick would just complicate things.”
At the word “chick,” her eyebrows shot up. Had the word been a step too far? Maybe, but that was the least of my worries right now.
“Sounds like a full life,” Sierra commented.
“Dammit, no.”
Again, her eyebrows lifted. I didn’t say the words at a raised volume, but they were forceful. I wasn’t speaking to her, though. I was speaking to myself.
“It’s not a full life,” I said. “I’ve lied to myself for years, saying I didn’t have time for a relationship. I’m not even home enough to care for a dog. But that’s only because when I am home, I’m staring at the TV, trying to drown out the silence in my cabin.”
“I don’t understand.”
She scanned the lobby behind me as if she couldn’t figure out if this was some sort of prank. Maybe she thought someone had put me up to it.
“Look,” she said. “I never asked you to do anything for me. You made it clear you’re not interested in a relationship. Let’s just move on.”
“You’re not interested in a relationship, either, are you?” I asked.
I was waiting for her to give the word. To offer an out. But the longer I stood there with her staring at me, the more I realized I didn’t want her to say that. It would be devastating.
“That’s not true for me,” she said. “I realized that yesterday. I’ve always wanted to be a mom someday, but not necessarily now.”
So, what did she realize yesterday? I should ask. The words wouldn’t come out, though, and I wasn’t sure why.
No, I knew exactly why. I was afraid to hear the answer.
“It’s not your fault.” Sierra sighed. “You were honest. I guess I’m just not ‘casual fling’ material.”
“That’s what you figured out yesterday?” I asked.
Crossing her arms over her chest, she looked around. Anywhere but at me. I ached to close the distance between us and pull her into my arms. But I didn’t budge.
“My heart got involved.” Staring toward the windows, she shrugged again. “Not your problem. We can continue to work together. I’ll be a total professional.”
“Your heart got involved,” I repeated.
Of everything she’d said, that was all I heard. It was all I wanted to hear.
“I always said I didn’t need a woman,” I said.
Biting her lip, she lowered her stare to the ground. She thought I was delivering bad news. She was sure I was breaking her heart. But I’d punch anyone who hurt this woman.
“Then I met you,” I said.
Her brow furrowed, but she still didn’t look up at me. She was waiting to be hurt, even as I was doing the opposite.
“It happened long before yesterday,” I rushed to add. “That first day when you walked out of that bedroom, I was hooked. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since.”
