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*****
As I walked down the hall towards chemistry, I found my trepidation rising. I looked down at my simple outfit of skinny jeans, an old Radiohead t-shirt and a beat-up pair of black Converse and wondered if I should have tried to look better today. I was still on autopilot this morning when I got ready, so I had thrown on whatever was sitting on the chair in my room, put my hair back in a ponytail and left. This break with Jack had done nothing to improve my housekeeping skills.
I paused before entering the classroom, but when the bell rang, I was ushered in with a wave of late-arriving students. I found my eyes unavoidably drawn to where Jack sat, but he never looked away from the friends he was talking to, one those friends being Donovan Carter. I was unable to stop looking at him, waiting for him to notice I’d walked into the room. He didn’t seem to be looking out for my entrance, and only spared me a brief glance when I banged my hip into the teacher’s desk causing me to yelp and the teacher to give me a reproving look.
“Find your seat, Miss Fisher.”
I hurriedly sat down, disappointment sitting on my shoulders like a lead jacket, feeling foolish for my hopefulness.
“Trouble in paradise? Looks like Jack is finally blowing you off,” sneered Addison, sitting next to me with a smugly satisfied look on her face, her ponytail twitching in approval. Why did she even care? Ugh, I hated her in that moment.
“Everything is fine, I just got to class late.” Why was I lying? Why was I even answering her?
“Sure. There have been lots of girls Jack’s been with who thought ‘everything was fine,’” she parroted back to me, making quote marks with her hands.
I rolled my eyes and ignored her, even though her words stuck to me like burrs.
Fortunately, our teacher started some long PowerPoint, which silenced Addison, but didn’t have much effect on my churning thoughts. Had Jack been using me? No, I dismissed that immediately. He’d spent time with me that went way outside of what would be necessary if he just wanted sex. Not to mention, I saw the impact that confrontation with his dad had on him. Before that, he’d been sweet and affectionate.
Why couldn’t he see that our relationship was not the problem? I snuck a glance back at him because I couldn’t resist and found him studiously taking notes, not giving me the slightest bit of attention. Even when he’d been weird after the first time we’d had sex, he hadn’t seemed this distant. I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat and started taking notes.
The bell rang, and I slowly gathered my books. Addison turned to me, her arms folded over her chest. “You know, Jack doesn’t go back.”
“Is that a little poem you’ve been working on?” I snapped as I stood up.
Addison glared at me. “You know what I mean. If he’s done, then he’s done.”
“Are you speaking from experience? Is that sour grapes, Addison?” I asked with false sweetness, although the thought of Addison and Jack together made my head hurt.
Addison flushed deep red. “Shut up, Ava. You’re just mad you got dumped. Now Jack can finally move on to someone with more class,” she said harshly and fled out the door.
God, what did that mean? Was Addison jealous? Then I jolted as if struck by lightning – was Addison the one behind all these incidents? Even if she was, did it even matter anymore?
*****
I walked down the hallway at the end of the day feeling utterly miserable. Jack had made no attempt to talk to me. In fact, he’d barely even looked at me. A part of me wanted to talk to him about my conversation with Addison, but I felt pathetic chasing him. I mean, what if I was just being overly suspicious, and it ended up looking like a ruse to talk to him? Maybe it was.
I walked down the hallway and saw Hannah and Nikolai, hardly a rare sight.
“Ugh, you two are sickening. Get a room already,” I said, trying to project more lightness than I felt.
Hannah laughed and stuck her tongue out at me. “You’re just jealous,” Hannah replied jokingly, but she was right. I was jealous.
“Ha,” I started to retort, but then Jack walked by. He nodded his head at us but kept walking down the hallway and out of sight.
All of the false positivity I had been trying to maintain immediately vanished, leaving me deflated as I watched him walk away.
“You okay, Ava?” Hannah asked, her brow wrinkled in concern. “Did something happen between you and Jack?”
I sighed and put my hand to my forehead in an attempt to rub away the tension. “Can we get together this weekend? I’ll tell you the whole story,”I asked, desperately needing her advice.
Hannah shot me a quick glance to Nikolai before smiling at me. “Of course! Let’s get together Saturday and get brunch or something.”
I smiled in gratitude. “Thanks, Hannah.” Then shot a smile at Nikolai, knowing they probably had plans and she was breaking them to spend time with me. A part of me wanted to tell her to invite him along—he probably knew Jack the best, but that would broadcast the desperation I was eager to avoid.
Instead, I turned and watched Jack’s rangy, lean-hipped stride as he walked down the hall in front of me. As I noted the way his t-shirt clung to his broad shoulders and defined biceps, I realized with a blush that conversation wasn’t the only thing I missed about Jack.
****
