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He stopped in front of a chair that was filled with clean clothes I hadn’t gotten around to putting away yet. He shot me a glance, then reached down, swept them aside and sat down.
“Hey, those were clean!”
“I’ll pick them up later.” He gave me a small smile and shook his head. “God, you’re such a slob, Ava.” His expression looked…charmed? Like he had given me an endearing compliment.
I stared at him in confusion. “Thank you?”
He chuckled, but almost immediately his expression turned more serious. “I just have to get this out, explain to you about my family.”
The clothing forgotten, I felt compassion well up inside me. He looked so lost and uncomfortable, it tore at my heart. I wanted to encourage him, but I knew better than to say anything. So, I sat quietly on the edge of my bed and let him talk.
He leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees, staring down at the floor. “My family has always been a mess. My dad accidentally got my mom pregnant and she insisted on getting married. Her family comes from money, and although my dad does fine now, back then he was just starting out at the Board of Trade downtown. He was a player that got caught up in his own game and was forced into marrying my mom. They have made each other miserable ever since.”
I slid down the bed to the floor and sat Indian style, wanting to be closer to him but not wanting to crowd him as he continued.
“So, as you can imagine, my dad was bitter at being locked down with a wife and kid. My mom’s parents bought us our house, so he loved to pick up women and bring them back to the house to show my mother how little she meant to him, that he was going to do what he wanted.”
“Oh my god,” I uttered, unable to hold back. “What did you mom do?”
Jack shrugged and leaned back in the chair. “Nothing, she just put up with it, but she got colder and more distant with both of us. I think I came to represent her biggest failure – her inability to make my dad love her. She started traveling all the time, leaving me with nannies.”
He stared out my window as he spoke now, still unable to look at me. My heart ached at the thought of a young Jack being so abandoned by his self-absorbed parents. It explained so much of his behavior.
“When I was about fourteen, my dad had a secretary he liked to bring home. My mom was gone, but honestly, it didn’t matter all that much if she were there. This secretary, Stephanie, came in my room one night. I was asleep, but she got into bed with me and started to, I don’t know, like, fool around with me.”
Jack shot me a quick glance, as if assessing my reaction to his confession. I wanted to gasp in shock and outrage but swallowed it knowing that was the last reaction that Jack needed to hear. I simply nodded my head, encouraging him to continue.
He fixed his gaze back on my window. “She did it while I was asleep, so by the time I was awake I was…well, I was ready to go. She just got on top of me and started to have sex with me.” Jack frowned, as if reliving the confusion and helplessness of that night. “I wasn’t even sure what was going on, if I was having a dream, or what. Then my dad busted in.”
I gulped back another gasp, feeling continual stabs of compassion and anger at what Jack endured as an adolescent.
“I could tell he was shocked and didn’t know what to say. He told her to get the hell off of me, like he understood that it was her idea to come into my room and get into bed with me. She did as he said, but when he left he just gave me this look. Like he hated me, or something. Needless to say, I never saw Stephanie again. We never talked about it and for a few years it was like it had never happened. Then, as I got older and moved out to the pool house, he started making all kinds of shady remarks about it. About us having the same taste in women, like I’d been his fucking wingman instead of his teenaged son.”
I could feel the betrayal and pain emanating from every word. As though he was still in disbelief at his father’s lack of concern, still confused and disillusioned at the antagonism when he’d been the victim.
I couldn’t wait any more, so I got on my knees and scooted between his legs, wrapping my arms around him and laying my head on his chest. “I’m so sorry, Jack. You deserved so much better than that,” I whispered. He sat unmoving for a couple of minutes, as if still digesting his own story.
Then he slowly wrapped his arms around me, one hand tangling in my hair. “I’ve never told anyone that story.”
I nodded my head, although I could already tell that he had never shared this with anyone before. The way he tried to escape from the memory I had unwittingly participated in resurfacing was evidence of that.
“You know that it wasn’t your fault, what that woman did?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry, Jack, but your parents fucking suck,” I said, unable to hold back my rage a minute longer.
He gave a soft chuckle and ruffled my hair. “Yeah, I know. Why do you think I moved out?”
I didn’t answer, just hugged him tightly, trying to do what I could to give him the support he should have received years ago from his parents.
He reached down with his hand and tipped my face up to his, his hands coming to cradle my face with the utmost gentleness. “Ava, I’m sorry for the shit I put you through. I want to be with you, more than you know. I can’t stand the thought of breaking up with you. That’s why I never said it, even though I was acting like a prick. Can you forgive me?” he asked, then leaned down to give me a soft kiss on the lips.
I nodded. “Yes, I can, but from now on, you have to talk to me. We have to talk out problems, not run away.”
He sighed and fell back. “I understand, but I can’t promise that I won’t have moments like this again, Ava. I…this is so…I’m not used to talking about stuff,” he finished in a way that was clumsily endearing.
I gave him a small smile. "Yeah, I know. I just want you to understand that I’ll be patient, but you’ve got to be willing to talk to me.”
