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“Babe, it’s not like that,” I plead with him.
“Oh, really? Cause it sounds like the boy I’ve loved, the one I’ve grown close to and said he wanted to be my boyfriend, is ashamed of me and wants to hide me in the closet like a dirty little secret. I’m not doing that. No way am I going back to pretending we are just friends.”
I lean forward, raking my hands through my hair, pulling at the ends. All I want is for some time to come to terms with being in the real world and in an openly gay relationship. Whereas he accepted his sexuality freely and openly, I’m not that confident. Fear takes over me, drowning me in its stench.
“Well, Chase? How long? I need an answer.”
“I don’t know.” I finally look up at him, already feeling the tears welling up in my eyes.
“You know what? Let me help you with it. Either we go back as an open couple or we don’t go back as one at all. I’m not going back into the closet for anyone. No matter how much I love them. So tell me, which is it?”
I sit there in silence. As much as I want him, I can’t say the words. “Blake.”
“You know what, Chase? Forget it, we’re done.” Blake storms from the room down the hallway. The only sound I hear is the slamming of our bedroom door.
My head drops into my hands as I break down. A couple minutes later, I feel the couch dip beside me and arms wrap around me.
“It’s going to be okay, Chase. He just needs time to cool down,” Carter tells me as he comforts me.
“He hates me, Carter. I knew this was a mistake. I should never have acted on my feelings.”
“No, don't say that. I am so proud of you for stepping outside of your box. You shouldn’t be hiding who you are. No one will think less of you or care that you’re bisexual. Give him some time to cool off and then you can sit down and talk again.”
The words are no sooner out of his mouth when Blake comes back down the hallway, dressed with a jacket on.
“Where are you going, man?” Carter asks.
“Out. Alone,” he snarls as he opens the front door, slamming it behind him.
“See, Carter, he hates me,” I huff out.
“No, he just needs to cool down. He’ll calm down, then you two can talk and work this out. No one belongs together more than the two of you.” Carter’s words do little to console me, but I appreciate them.
“I’m going to bed.”
Standing, I slowly step away from Carter and make my way down the hallway to the bedroom Blake and I share. The shirt he was wearing is lying on the bed and I pick it up, cradling it close to my body, and lie down. I let the floodgates open and mourn what I fear I’ve lost tonight—the man I love.
At some point I must have fallen asleep, because I hear something fall and jump up from the bed. The room is dark, except for the light shining underneath the bathroom door. Carefully getting out of bed without making a sound, I tiptoe over to the bathroom, praying it isn’t some kind of masked killer in there waiting to gut me.
Inside, though, I find a very drunk Blake. Struggling to take off his clothes. But what guts me the most is what I see on his neck and on his back.
A fucking hickey and fingernail marks.
If I thought my heart had already been broken tonight, I was wrong. Seeing that crushed it into a million pieces.
“What do you want, Chase?” he drunkenly slurs out when he sees me.
“Nothing, I just wanted to check on you. Are you okay?”
“Am I okay? Really? Why wouldn’t I be? I mean, my boyfriend, the man I love, just happened to tell me tonight he wanted to keep me a secret. So, yeah I’m fine. Now leave me the fuck alone.”
I back away, shutting the door, not even recognizing the cruel man in front of me. I move back to the bed and sit, waiting for him to come out. A few minutes later, he staggers out of the bathroom and heads straight for the bed. I assumed to join me, but I was wrong.
He takes his pillow and one of the blankets and heads to the door.
“Where are you going?”
“To the couch. I figured until we leave, we can take turns sleeping on it.” With that, he steps out of the room, not looking back at me.
