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Still, I didn’t exactly expect to be chased down and hunted by creatures with magic and spells. It wasn’t ideal for me to fend off magical types when I hadn’t grasped the full extent of what it meant to fight one. I barely understood how to effectively and conservatively use the tonics we carried on missions. If a person could overdose on them—and Grams assured me someone could—I’d likely overdosed a couple times. Okay, maybe more than a couple of times. But thanks to my newfound regeneration abilities, potion use wasn’t as necessary as it had once been.
For a second, I blamed Grams for keeping the true extent of our world from me. For a minute, I hated her for leaving. It was a shit thing to do. She was given years to prepare me for everything, and she’d chosen vampires—and only them. Not Shifters. Not magic-users. Not Shadow Goblins. Not any of the other nameless creatures biding their time until it was their turn to go after me.
Doesn’t magic seem a tad bit more dangerous than some fang-toothed villain though, Grams?
Hadn’t Grams thought for a second I might benefit more from magical tutelage than some blood thirsty, night-only roaming fiend. Fae could travel in daylight. Fae could track you with spells. Fae could cloak themselves and hunt you while invisible. And really, whatever else Fae were capable of doing. The possibilities were endless, when only a few months ago vampires were all that existed to me.
Magic was a whole other beast.
Christ, the mere thought that we could be casually sitting out here, vulnerable, unaware, and cleverly stalked by that bastard Eros put weight in my stomach.
More so, I had worse things to worry about. Like how I was quite possibly the Organization’s nastiest monster ever created. Or what sort of magic was inside of me that very quickly destroyed a room and knocked out three people, including myself. Or how my parents were executed by the same people I worked for. Or maybe most horrifying of the night, how the one person I was meant to trust didn’t bother to tell me shit these days.
I dropped my head, utterly exhausted. “I’m starting to think I’m better off dead than alive.”
Phillip took strong hold of my jaw and lifted my face, his grip near violence. “You’re never to say that again.” His stare penetrated mine, and the older man’s hold on my jaw was unrelenting. “Never.”
A tear broke away and fled down my cheek. “It’s a lot, Phil. It’s all just a lot.”
“I’m here. I’m not leaving. You’re not alone,” he said in a voice that left no room for argument. “You’re not carrying this burden alone. I’m here.”
I bit my lower lip, another few tears breaking away. “But you didn’t tell me anything. You’ve said nothing. How am I supposed to trust you when you won’t tell me everything?”
“That’s fair,” the Austrian agreed with an exasperated sigh, then palmed his lush hair. “I guess I haven’t given you much reason to trust me to be here. And you’re right, I haven’t told you everything.” His grip loosened, his large, eclipsing hands moving to gently cradle my face. “It’s not easy for me to open up to someone. I thought I was protecting you, but maybe I was underestimating you.”
“Wouldn’t be the first person,” I remarked, lips twitching into a smirk.
Phillip’s rich laughter made my smile grow despite wanting to stay angry with the jerk. “Everyone I’ve ever been close to died. I got used to saying only what was necessary in that moment. To keep a distance. I’m...scared to lose someone again.”
It was the first time Phillip let himself be vulnerable with me, and I quieted. Gently, I touched his hands and stared into the Hunter’s gorgeous eyes. “We’re all afraid of losing the people we love, no matter what. You may have more reason than others, but everyone’s scared. Who wouldn’t be?” I paused, letting my fingers stroke his. “But that’s what makes it worth it, I guess. And maybe you’ll be hurt or they’ll be hurt, but being alone without anyone isn’t a life I want to live.”
I thought about Nigel and Kate, knowing it was pretty hypocritical of me to go on the way I was when I’d pushed everyone in my life away. But maybe I wasn’t talking to Phillip. Maybe I was talking to myself right now. Maybe it wasn’t Phil who needed to remember how to let others in.
Phillip’s lips met mine briefly, startling me out of my thoughts, and then he smiled so beautifully I forgot I was ever angry at him. “That’s what I admire most about you. You’re angry, then you’re sad—then you lift your chin and walk on like it’s all behind you.” His blue irises sparkled like precious gems catching daylight. “It’s captivating.”
No, Phil. You’re captivating, you gorgeous jerk.
Taken off guard by his admission, I stiffened. “Captivating?”
“Everything about you is.”
How am I supposed to stay angry when he says sweet things like that?
I sighed, already won over and too tired to care how easy it made me. “Will you tell me about the people you loved one day?”
Phillip’s smile disappeared. “I will.”
“Okay,” I said, just grateful he answered. “I’d really like to know more about you. Feels like you know everything about me, and I’m completely in the dark about you.”
Phillip bent forward until our foreheads touched. “I don’t know everything. I can promise you that. I’m struggling to figure out what this all is. It’s new for me too, and I don’t want to be selfish.”
“Too late,” I joked, getting a laugh out of him. “You didn’t strike me as the type to tread carefully, if I’m honest.”
“I’m not, but you’re different.”
For some reason, that mere statement resonated inside my chest with a warmth that swiftly reached my cheeks.
Voices carried over the hum of insects and immediately ruined the moment we shared.
