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The older man’s dark expression was so full of anguish and torment, it tore me apart to see it.
A tear escaped my eye and fell onto his arm, causing Phillip’s gaze to jerk down to me. “I’m sorry, Phil. I shouldn’t have...”
“V?” he asked, cradling my face. “What’s wrong?”
“You wouldn’t ask that if you could see your face right now.” The tears came faster. “I made you talk about this. I shouldn’t have. I know what it’s like to...” It hurt to swallow as I struggled to express what I was feeling.
I’d lost my parents and probably Grams. I’d lost every friend I’d made and a life that may not have been normal but it was mine. Still, I hadn’t lost a loved one to death the way Phillip had. It made me realize I couldn’t truly empathize or offer anything of value to comfort him. I’d probably make everything worse by trying.
I talked on and on about how I wouldn’t let anything get in the way of the life I wanted, but would I still talk that way if I was the reason a person I loved died?
I wasn’t so sure.
“I’ve been so selfish and ignorant,” I said softly.
Phillip’s eyes danced before our lips met briefly. “You didn’t force me to talk about that, V. I wanted to tell you.”
“Yeah, because I asked,” I clapped back, angry at myself for crying when I didn’t have any right to.
It was Phillip who should cry. Instead, he looked resolved to a fate of unhappiness and torment. His expression was of someone who’d given up and come to terms with their terrible fate a long time ago.
And I hated seeing it.
But what I hated most was the selfish part of me that wanted him to move past it and find the will to hope for something more again. For him to conquer his lost love and open his heart to me, because if he didn’t, I’d never get in.
Goddammit.
It dawned on me in that moment that I’d been fooling myself. I’d convinced myself what we had was enough, but it wasn’t. I wanted more. I wanted to be more to him, and it hurt to realize I never would be.
This was all we’d ever be.
Phillip’s hands sunk into my hair, and he forced our eyes to meet. “That’s not why I told you. You asked why I was acting different. Why I’ve been...salty.”
I laughed despite streams of tears pouring down my face. “That word sounds weird with your accent.”
I no longer cried for Phillip. I cried for myself. I cried because I’d walked right back into a hopeless situation and had no one else but myself to blame.
The other Hunter kissed my wet cheeks and licked the tears from his mouth. “If anyone’s being salty, it’s you. Look at all these tears. What are you, a broken dam?”
“Shut up, asshole,” I said angrily, sobbing harder. “I can’t stop them. It’s just all so sad.”
Mostly, it was me who was sob-worthy.
Dammit, V. You just had to go and fall for Mr. Bad News.
“Says the girl who’s lost a whole world of loved ones,” Phillip teased with a soft smile. “I didn’t tell you all this to make you cry. I told you because it was important you know it.”
Well, now I felt guilty about lying. Don’t get me wrong. Phillip’s story was heartbreaking, but not enough for me to ball my eyes out. Guess I couldn’t scorn Phillip for bad lies anymore. Not I, the compelling liar who used her tears to guilt a man into comforting her.
“Why?” I finally asked, working quickly to calm myself.
“Because I vowed never to get close to anyone else, and...” His hands tightened around my face. “I didn’t have any trouble keeping people at a distance until I met you. You changed everything.”
“Hey, don’t blame me for—”
“And I think I’m probably falling for you.”
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
