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“Icanfigure it out, but I’d prefer ifyouclarified. Only two weeks ago, most people knew Nigel and I were together.”
Phillip’s mouth was swept up seductively. “That’s where it all started. Like I said, it was all part of the plan.” His warm palm cupped my face. “It’s just easier that way. Promise.”
“Easier or more to your brand?” I corrected angrily, evading his touch. “I don’t think it’s a great idea. Nigel—”
“Hasn’t contacted you or been around since that night. I don’t get where your loyalty to him comes from. He left you. He made it clear he doesn’t feel the same way you do. Move on.”
Sadness, grief, guilt, shame, and overall heartbreak hit me all at once and lodged in my throat, silencing me. And for the first time since I met him, Phillip seemed genuinely apologetic when I pulled away and fought to keep my emotions locked down.
I swallowed around the pain in my throat—around the burn of betrayal and self-disgust—and headed back out to the sidewalk.
The Austrian followed me through the crowd, not saying anything. But maybe he couldn’t. He’d stabbed the metaphorical blade right into my heart. Let him drown in the guilt for a bit.
As strong as I pretended to be, I was still just a teenage girl, suffering after the first boy I’d ever dated tore my heart out and threw it on the floor.
Now I’m really starting to sound my age.
“V,” Phillip finally called out to me.
My shoulders hunched. “Don’t bother. It’s pointless to say you didn’t mean it. We both know you did.”
My partner turned me by the shoulders to face him, offering me an expression I couldn’t decipher. “I’ve lived a lot longer than you. I guess I forget what it’s like to care about someone. It never did me any good to...”
“Care?” I scoffed unattractively. “Jaded much?”
Even I was aware of how I sounded, but I didn’t care.
Phillip’s eyes pierced right through my sarcasm. “When I realized no one I cared about would live the way I did, they’d age and die, it was easier if I didn’t care.”
The anger in my chest faded. “I...”
“I’ve lost more than you could ever know,” he said, his tone giving light to a pain he’d never revealed to me before. “You and I, we’re a favored few. Or maybe you’d call it the unfortunate few. Emotions cloud our judgment and get in the way of our goal. You’d do well to remember that if you want to take down the Organization. We may be powerful, but we’re not invincible. And against so many, we’d fail before we ever truly tried. The Organization employs more than just us, you know. There are worse things out there, more terrible than you could ever imagine.”
With sudden weight lodged in my chest, I struggled to find my voice. “That’s not how I want to live,” I whispered, our argument spectacle to several people nearby. “I won’t live like that. I’ll find another way to live because that’s not living, Phil.”
His eyes widened slightly. “You’re young—”
“Don’t talk to me like I haven’t lost things,” I interjected. “I may be young, but I spent a long time dedicating myself to something that literally became nothing in a second. I refuse to live like that again. I want to embrace the time I have, because I deserve to have those things. And I won’t settle. I’ll have everything I want. You just watch me.”
His mouth twitched, jaw slackening. “You think so?”
“I do,” I replied firmly. “And you can have it, too, if you let yourself. ‘Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,’ right?”
Phillip beamed a heart-stopping smile at me. “Impressive. Here I thought today’s youth didn’t even know who Alfred Tennyson was, let alone well enough to quote him.”
“Maybe you should start questioning your own preconceived notions and try to get to know the people around you?” I taunted, finding my smile.
His eyes lit up with amusement. “I really do love how spicy you are. There’s just something about you. It intrigues me. Makes me want to drop my guard a bit and listen to what some stupid teenager is saying.”
“Excuse you,” I growled, no longer amused. “I’m not stupid.”
Phillip’s mischievous look was annoyingly adorable, and I couldn’t hold onto my anger. “No, you’re not. I’m starting to realize that now.”
“How is it that you go from complimenting me to throwing massive shade? I’m getting whiplash from all the back and forth. Choose one—surly old man or handsome player. But choose soon so I can get on with my life.”
Phillip threw an arm around my shoulders and leaned in close. “So you think I’m handsome? I’m game. Let’s head back to the car and ditch our responsibilities.”
Grossed out, I ducked out of his touch and walked on ahead.
