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An Indecent Proposal
THE ENTIRE CAR RIDEwas astronomically awkward, and a new kind of torment.
Phillip didn’t seem at all worried about the fact that only an hour prior, our lips were merged in a way befitting all those damn love songs Kate forced me to listen to. Now I was forced to be alone with him in a small space—in a shared home, no less—and the jerk had the audacity to act nonchalant.
Bastard.
So many emotions assaulted my already confused thoughts. Too many to assign any single word to. It could only be described as a hormonal teenager’s worst nightmare, where nothing made sense and no amount of fidgeting or trying desperately to focus elsewhere would change it.
The only way to make sense out of the emotional turmoil was to work through it properly. I had some idea how to do that, but it’d involve surrendering myself to the physical; to give myself to him and find out if what I wanted was just purely to experience sex or if it was more.
The only thing that made sense to me right now was to jump in, feet first, body on the line. It’d release the tension and bring clarity. At least, that was what I hoped it’d do. Just have fun and regret it later if necessary.
I’m thinking like a teenage boy these days.
But the mystery of sex definitely played a role in my fascination with Phillip, enough to make me discard my morals to give into him.
Maybe sex was the only way to settle the tension between us. Maybe after it lost its clandestine presence in my head, I’d realize it was nothing more than that.
It wasn’t that I saved myself for someone I loved, at least not really, but I never really considered giving it away to some guy I barely knew.
Granted, Phillip wasn’t just some guy. He was my partner—my much-much older partner. The repercussions could be bad, but anything was better than living in this hell I’d created for myself with an attraction to two men at the same time.
I looked at my phone, wondering if Kate might have some insight. She wouldn’t judge me. My enthusiastic friend would encourage me to do what I wanted.
She’d already had sex with several guys and didn’t seem destroyed by it. She’d talked at length about it and didn’t spare details, whether or not I asked for them. And really, she made it sound like no big deal to have sex with someone you didn’t love. Nobody cared whether or not you were a virgin anymore.
So, I shouldn’t, either.
It wasn’t a new thing, experimenting with sex. Teenagers did it all the time. Often younger than I was right now. Sure, not with their Biology teacher, but...
I’m not far from eighteen. It’s fine.
But it was too risky to ask Kate anything right now. The chick wasn’t stupid. The only other guy I was around all the time was Phillip, because our relationship was well known now that it was public school knowledge I lived with him. The student body spread it around like juicy celebrity gossip. It was the torrid love affair out of everyone’s mouth, and I’d already made myself a target of their slanderous gossip by initially spending too much time after class with him.
I loved Kate, but she’d beg me for it to be true. She’d mean well and keep it to herself, but the chick was loud and someone would overhear her excitement if she ever connected the dots. So, I couldn’t risk her knowing anything.
“Something on your mind?”
The jerk knew exactly what was on my mind.
“That serum, do you have some of it already made?”
Phillip seemed surprised I’d ask. “And if I said yes?”
You got this, V. Be brave. Be cool. Don’t blush.
But I did blush. The heat in my face was sure to give me away as I pretended to be especially interested in the scenery outside the window.
“Who knows when we’ll have another minute to breathe before life gets crazy. I think I might want to try alcohol before I lose my chance.” I pocketed my phone with a small glance at the man driving next to me. “Just don’t want to regret not living a little bit.”
Phillip’s hands clutched the steering wheel, his strong jaw becoming impossibly tense. “So, you’re ready to be at my beck and call all day since this’ll mean you lost our bet?”
I sighed and brushed hair from my eyes before turning my gaze back out the window. “I don’t know. Something tells me you won’t ask me to do anything that’d put me in a weird spot.”
Phillip scoffed low in his throat. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were on something. What changed?”
Nothing. Nothing had changed, and that was exactly my problem.
