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16
Phillip: No Control
VERY FEW THINGS SURPRISEDme anymore. I’d seen it all, been through three lifetimes of nothing but shit, and things rarely caught me off guard.
But when V asked for the serum and then offered herself to me, surprise didn’t cover the feeling. I couldn’t identify where it had changed for her, or where she’d gotten the urge. That was new for me—not being sure what had changed. Usually, I noticed something the second it happened.
With V, nothing made sense.
For the first time, I hesitated. It felt important not to persuade or encourage the idea if she was just curious. It took everything inside of me to talk her out of it.
Sort of difficult to talk someone down from something you were more than a little desperate to have yourself. It was necessary, though. I didn’t want her to regret it, call it a huge mistake, and let the entire thing ruin what we had between us.
More than anything, I didn’t want to lose her.
If I had to be a bit vulgar, or frighteningly forward, or perhaps too brazen to be ever considered appropriate, then that was what I’d be.
Still, I was greedy. It’d be easy to enchant her the way I did other women and enslave her through physical pleasure. Every other time, I wouldn’t have wavered. I’d have her the way I wanted her. I’d take her without remorse. But something about V made me hesitate. Made me ponder every single move I made.
Instead of enchanting her, I’d been the one bewitched by anything she said or did. I wanted her more than I should. I thought about her more than I should. I was desperate to make her mine, even going as far as to get jealous over some bloody wolf.
And then I kissed her. I shouldn’t have, but I did.
Her lips tasted sweet and innocent, and they moved with mine like her life depended on it. Kissing V didn’t compare to kisses stolen to satisfy an urge. Her kiss resonated inside me long after I pulled away. She’d flushed and struggled to deal with both the sensation and the guilt of kissing me, knowing it was Nigel who might see it. She was confused. I took advantage of that confusion, and it was only for that reason I regretted it.
So, when she mentioned the serum, it felt wrong to give in.
Leave it to V to rush brazenly ahead, undeterred. She didn’t let my tricks sway her. She set my loins ablaze with her strong gaze and bold words. She called me out whenever I gave into hesitation or caution.
When she took hold of my arm and encouraged me to continue, I, the suave older man, the one with enough experience to classify me as an expert, was subjugated. Somehow, V understood just how to make me bend to her will. She knew just what to do and what to say to bring the beast out.
Everything she said and did dragged out a primitive, carnal side I wasn’t aware I was capable of.
Yes, I could be a rough and overly dominant lover. It wasn’t out of the norm for me to overpower a woman in the bedroom, but I never lost control.
Never.
Unfortunately, with V, I discovered new parts of myself every day. Most of which I didn’t like. Most that proved no matter how old or powerful I was, I was still a man. I gave in. I surrendered. I did whatever I could to keep her.
It wasn’t like me to lose control. Not like that, anyway. But I did. I did so easily that even I wasn’t sure where I’d totally lost it. When had I fallen so completely under her spell that I couldn’t fathom disappointing her? Hurting her? Betraying her? Being any miniscule amount of distance away from her?
No other person but Giselle, my first and last love, made me feel remotely close to the jumbled, fucked-up mess I was around V these days. And after Giselle’s death, I vowed never to lose myself to another person.
Still, it wasn’t something I could control anymore.
It’d been a long time since I regretted anything before doing it. I lacked the proper conscience to preemptively drown in shame, but I did with V. Even as I surrendered to the toxic heat of her kiss, as I claimed her body and tasted sweet poisonous bliss, guilt plagued my thoughts.
Very few things made me afraid, but the young Hunter scared me unlike anything ever had. And yet, I didn’t run. I should. It would be smarter to stop while I was ahead, but the mere idea of leaving burned my chest and destroyed my lungs.
I wouldn’t get away now.
*
“PHIL?”
I glanced over, noticing concern etched into the lines of V’s forehead. “Seems like the serum wore off.”
She blushed cherry-red, and the color was beyond beautiful on her white skin. “Seems so. I don’t feel drunk and...”
