AllFreeNovel
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I stare at the party in front of me without seeing. Depravity. What else is new? Nothing I need to see. Not anymore. If I was tired of it before, now I’m downright exhausted by it.
I balance my lowball glass of whisky on the arm of my chair, twist it carefully and try to discern if I could sneak out of this godforsaken hotel without anyone noticing me. There are the four of us from the band, a handful of girls, and then some of the crew. Maybe fifteen people in total. It’d be tricky but I could do it.
“Lines!” a female voice shrieks in excitement.
Across the room, a raven-haired woman with skin so pale I’m surprised I can’t see all her veins holds up a baggie of white stuff. Coke, obviously. I grimace as I watch her go about the business of pouring the powder onto the coffee table and forming the coke into tidy lines.
I can thank Holden, our keyboardist, for her appearance tonight. Seraphina’s a groupie, which is surprising in this day and age that anyone takes the time to follow bands anymore. She and Holden have had a thing for a couple of years now. I feel bad for the poor girl, how he leads her on. If she only knew he only brings her back when she’s got good drugs on her.
Holden wraps his arms around Seraphina’s hips from his place on the couch behind her, presses his face into her bare midriff and nips at her skin.
I hate it here.
“You good, man?”
I’ve been so focused on the scene in front of me, I didn’t see Blaise plop down on an ottoman next to me.
“Fine,” I say, unconvincingly. “Just… tired.”
“Yeah, I get that,” Blaise says. “You’ve… been tired a lot recently.”
Three weeks straight I’ve been sleepwalking through life. Since leaving Ocotillo Valley behind. I managed to be upbeat through rehearsals since the guys were giving me shit about my “marriage”. I got to pretend for a little bit I was happy and in love. Every night I returned home alone, though, was a reality check.
I am once again alone.
What makes this version of alone worse though is I was so close to not being alone. There was a possibility my life was about to change.
And hasn’t it still? With Leo in my life?
Except I don’t know how to talk to Isabella, don’t know how to communicate with her without feeling anything but exposed nerves.
I want both. Why can’t I have both?
“I’m worried about you,” Blaise says in a low voice.
I glance at the drummer for only a moment. Yeah, he’s worried alright. His clear eyes are glassy with worry.
“I mean, do you think since the accident you’re pushing yourself too hard?” he asks.
“Doesn’t have anything to do with the accident,” I say.
“Hey, Rex and Red!” Holden cries out. “Lines?!”
I tick my head to the side. No.
“I’m good,” Blaise offers. I don’t know how he’s managed restraint all these years. Never doing much more than drinking beer and smoking weed.
Holden shrugs, then huffs a line of coke, sending his dark-haired companion into a fit of laughter.
I watch our bassist, Apollo (yes, he went the mononym direction just like Flea), do a line next. He inhales sharply, then runs a hand over his fresh buzzed hair and stretches his arms upward. “Fuck, you sure you don’t want one, Rex? Might loosen you up.”
My fingers tighten on my glass. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Apollo’s eyes widen. “Just – um –“
Holden laughs, pulling his drug plug onto his lap as the high settles over him. “You’re sucking, dude.”
I know I’m sucking. I don’t need my band to tell me. I feel it every night. I’m going through the motions every night. It’s all rote. Nothing special about it, nothing interesting. My crowd work is shit and I’ve been avoiding playing more than one song for the encores.
