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I scrape my lower lip with my teeth and scan my bandmates. They’re my best friends. We’ve been in this shit together since we were teens. We’ve slept on floors together, shared clothes, and survived on ramen just to fund our albums and tours.
Now we have everything.
Except… I have nothing.
“I’m not married,” I say softly.
Apollo’s face drops. “I’m so sorry, dude. She didn’t deserve you.”
“No, Apollo, I was never married.”
Everyone looks at me in confusion.
“Isabella and I… we met a long time ago. Last stop on our club tour before we signed with Interscope.”
“That’s why you were in the desert…” Blaise says with a thoughtful laugh under his words.
I nod. “It was just a fling. Except, when I had my accident, she ended up being the doctor to treat me and we reconnected and –” I scratch the back of my head. “Turns out I have a kid.”
“Oh shit,” Seraphina peeps. Holden claps his hand over her mouth and she looks at him apologetically.
“Yeah, she’s gonna need to sign an NDA or something,” Apollo murmurs.
“Wait, just so I’m getting this straight –” Blaise holds his hands out. “You and Isabella had a thing. And she got pregnant. But she didn’t tell you.”
I nod. “Yeah, that’s it.”
“And you just found out you have a kid?”
I nod again. “Yeah, yeah I do.” My heart wells with pride. “A boy. Leo.” I’ve been keeping Leo to myself, deep inside where no one can see him. But, I want people to know. I want everyone to know that’s my son. I’m not hiding him away.
My friends all stare at me.
“Where did the whole marriage thing come into play? Or… not marriage thing?” Holden asks.
“That’s a bit more complicated…” I start.
I explain everything to them. All the strange ins and outs of our plan, how the feelings returned and we fell back into our old ways, except this time with a child we shared which made it all too real, too fast. How I was ready to commit to her.
“Except I didn’t tell her about the tour and she freaked out when she found out and…” I swallow. Tears well into my eyes. “Now she doesn’t want to be with me.”
“She’s not keeping your kid from you, is she?” Holden asks.
I shake my head. “No, I mean, she won’t. But I haven’t had it in me to call and I don’t even know what I’d say because I – I –” I blink. A tear runs down my face.
Blaise smiles at me fondly. “You love her.”
I haven’t said it out loud. Ever. She didn’t let me five years ago. And she didn’t let me three weeks ago. “Yeah, I love her.”
More tears roll. I cover my eyes as the breakdown washes over me. Moments later, I’m engulfed in the arms of my friends.
“Fuck, man, this sucks,” Apollo says.
“It’s not over,” Holden says. “Promise.”
Blaise pats my back. “We’ll get her back.”
“Thanks, guys.” I don’t know how “we’ll” get her back, but having the truth out in the open has already made me feel so much better.
