AllFreeNovel
Share Us
4
Isabella
“Isabella, I love you.”
“What did you just say?” My heart thumps at his words. An eerie, discomfort consumes me.
Maddox is dumbfounded, and at a loss for words. He’s still looming over me, but nervousness twists across his handsome features, in place of passion. Having him there, so close and on top of me, I feel claustrophobic. Scared. The walls are closing in and I need to get out.
“I love you,” Maddox sounds grim on his second utterance. Not that he should. If those are his feelings, so be it.
Love is not a sensation I understand. Nor does Maddox, I suppose. We’re both broken beyond repair. We’re not geared to love; not one another, not anyone. This cruel life we’ve been thrust into is the only life we’ve ever understood. There is no love to give because all we know is hardship and hatred.
“I need you to get off of me,” I try to stay civil. Calm, even.
It’s difficult with the thoughts running through my head. I want to push him away; to kick and scream until he’s gone but I must remain in control. He hasn’t done anything wrong, not that he realizes anyway.
Maddox looks confused and broken as he gets off and moves across the bed away from me.
But I’m free, and I don’t want to be here anymore.
I get to my feet and start to walk. Maddox doesn’t stop me. He doesn’t even look at me. I wonder what’s going through his head. What feelings are tormenting him now? I almost feel dirty for chasing Maddox away.
My breathing is shaky, as I make my way out the door. He doesn’t give chase and thank fuck for that. I don’t think I could deal with him, or break his heart any further. Maddox is lost, adrift in a sea of his own emotional turmoil. And although he’s here for me, I can’t be there for him.
It’s selfish, but I never wanted a part in this grand play my dad set out for us.
I run through the Palace until I can’t run anymore; through hallways, the kitchen, and upstairs, before eventually settling in my father’s room. How I end up there is beyond me. Maybe it’s the feeling of guilt. Of knowing that I plan to disappear in the dead of night, while my dad is in hospital.
I collapse onto his bed, tears spilling from my eyes. I pull pillows into my lap, and use them as a source of comfort, while I weep. This day’s events and the weeks that led up to them are finally taking their toll and breaking me, all at once.
I love you, Maddox’s words play out over and over in my head. Could I ever feel the same way? In order to, I’d have to give up a piece of myself; my freedom.
But am I wrong in my assumptions of Maddox? Does he understand the feeling of real love somewhere in that cold, black heart of his?
The only kind I’ve ever understood is my father’s. A man who’d claim he cared, but who fed me to one man, and then to another, as part of some greater scheme or alliance. The fact that I’m even having any of these thoughts is absolutely ludicrous. I should feel nothing for Maddox, especially not sympathy. I was handed to him on a silver platter so that he could rule in the event of my father’s passing. I am like some medieval princess, used as a bargaining chip to align noble houses.
I should hate them all, so why can’t I? Because my dad is blood? Because Maddox gives me those lost little puppy eyes?
Why do I feel like I owe them anything for that?
Yet, here I am in Dad’s bed, weeping uncontrollably. I worry about him and Maddox. Even with all the shit Dad’s put me through, I miss him. I don’t want him to die. If morning comes and I am on the open road, I still want to hear that he’s okay. Because he’s my dad. He might not be a good parent all of the time, or any of the time, but he’s the only one I’ve got.
I spend the next few hours on Dad’s bed, even managing to drift off at some point; however, it’s a dreamless sleep that feels as if it passes in the blink of an eye.
I’m woken by a knock at the door. It’s still dark out, and I don’t know the time.
“Wh…who is it?” my voice sounds unfamiliar to me.
“It’s me,” I hear Maddox reply. “Isabella, we need to talk.”
I let out a raspy yawn, pushing myself into a seated position on the pillows. Maddox is right. We do have to talk. I just wish he could’ve left it until morning.
“Come in,” I say, and he does.
Maddox looks scared. More than I’ve ever seen him so far. Since this whole deal’s gone off, Maddox has had a look of discomfort around me – and I can understand it. But, this is different. His eyes are bloodshot, and his breathing is unsteady.
Something’s wrong. I suppose it might have something to do with our adventure in the bedroom. That it’s been playing on his head the last few hours, and it’s eating away at him.
