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His eyes widened abruptly. ‘Naxi knew about this?’
Oh, fuck.Notthe right thing to say. ‘Well, she …’
‘… is a demon,’ he finished, his voice biting like acid. ‘Anyone else you told? Or do I at the very least have the honour of being the second to figure out your little secret?’
And only then did the full extent of my stupidity hit me.
Because Lyn knew.
Lyn, who had to realise just how much he had suffered because of my secrets; Lyn, who had gently suggested I tell the family, but hadn't pushed, hadn't pressed past the limits of my fear. Who was, once again, at the centre of this tangled web in a way I’d never comprehended until half a minute ago.
Andshehadn't told him.
The silence stretched out too long as I grasped for words. I could see it in Tared’s face – anger making way for exhaustion, the look of a male wondering how many more times he’d have to brace himself.
‘Who knew, Em?’
‘I – I …’
Gods help me, what could I say?Whyhadn’t Lyn told him? Not my responsibility, a weight she hadn't wanted to place on my shoulders – but that meant she’d left it on his, and was that the sort of disloyalty an alf teetering on the edges of his sanity could wave aside?
I’dfeltit, the raw agony of that unfulfilled bond between them. Would I have been able to wave it aside, had it been my pain to live with?
Tared was too fast for my spiralling thoughts, his words hard and sharp, but not enough to hide the festering fear below the surface. ‘Does Lyn know?’
I should have denied it immediately.
But I hesitated, unsure for one moment how many lies I could afford to tell, and I knew in that moment that he knew – the answer a leaden invisibility between us, too heavy to be spoken out loud. Betrayal flashed in his eyes, shock baring his hurt and anger for one brief instant – the feelings not aimed at me, this time, or even at Creon.
‘I made her promise not to tell anyone!’ I blurted out, breathlessly. No.No.He couldn’t go blame Lyn for my stupidity now – I may have messed up my own secrets, perhaps, but I wasnotgoing to cause any more trouble between them, was not giving that gods-damned bond a chance to drag Tared into whatever hell awaited heartbroken alves. ‘I made her keep it quiet! Don’t blame her. I … I thought …’
The sentence dried up on my lips. What for hell’s sake had I thought?
‘I’m sorry,’ I breathed, the painful inadequacy of the apology audible in every syllable. ‘I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone.’
He stared at me for an endless heartbeat, expression unreadable in the moonlight. Around us, the forest had tensed, too, branches holding still in the midnight breeze like silent sentinels. As if the trees themselves were holding their breath with me, waiting for him to speak, waiting for my knees to buckle.
Then his shoulders abruptly slumped. He stepped back, parting his lips with a chuckle that seemed to have been drawn straight from a corpse’s lips.
‘Go to hell, Emelin.’
And without waiting for a response, he faded.
The moist forest floor was cold to the touch when I sank down against the nearest tree, staring up at the star-flecked sky with numb, unseeing eyes.
Fuck.
For minutes on end, that seemed to be the only thought my mind was capable of forming.
I ought to get up and look for help – that awareness was still vaguely present in the back of my mind. I should try to draw someone’s attention and find my way back to familiar territory. But my body refused to oblige, limbs making the unhelpful point that being stranded in the middle of an unknown forest wasn’t the worst of my problems by far.
As opposed to …
Go to hell, Emelin.
I flinched, stomach rolling violently as I curled my knees to my chest and buried my face between them, breathing in short, shallow gasps. Gods help me, what had I done? What had I been thinking? All those weeks of keeping secrets for the sake of peace, and one moment of stupidity had unleased more trouble than I could have imagined – more than honestly might have done. Why couldn’t I have kept my hands off Creon for a few more days – kept up pretences until I was prepared for this conversation?
Why had I somehow failedagain?
