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This could not be happening – not because ofme. Beyla’s hollow eyes. Words Lyn had spoken an eternity ago –he would crumble …She wasn’t going to risk that just because I had been a naïve fool, for the bloody gods’ sake! I would tell them so, if I had to. I would tell them it was all my fault, that they ought to be furious with me and unite in their righteous anger, that I didn’t deserve—
Creon’s arm hooked around my waist.
‘Hey!’ The word broke out like the lash of a whip. ‘You can’t—’
His fingers settled over my mouth next.
I fought to pull free as he unceremoniously hauled me off like a bundle of old rags. Even my most violent efforts came to nothing. His arms didn’t give way as I struggled, his fingers didn’t so much as twitch even when I set my teeth into them, and in the end I gave up and went furiously, panickily still. The voices of my friends died away as Creon put distance between us. My heart was still trying to crawl up my throat and choke me. What if Lyn was saying more? What if she was saying worse? What if Tared was falling apartright nowand there was absolutely nothing I could do …
What if I had ruinedeverything?
Creon released me so suddenly I gasped and nearly tumbled over in the sand. My words came out on a shriek – ‘What for the gods’ sakes do you think you’redoing?’
He had always been taller than me, but in that moment, he positively towered over me, a dark, ominous silhouette against the pink- and orange-streaked sky. His demon eyes seemed to be measuring me, his piercing gaze so intense I could barely breathe.
I fought the urge to look away and snapped, ‘Well?’
Creon pulled up an eyebrow, unflinching.I’d rather ask what you thought you were doing.
‘They’re breaking down everything!’ Dread blurred my words together; I swung a wild gesture at the fire-lit cave. ‘I can’t just … We can’t just—’
And do you really think, he interrupted, his signs sharp and biting in that unmistakable way of words remaining unsaid,that anything you say or do will be enough to save them from themselves after decades of this? Short of wiping their memories clean, that is?
‘At least I can try!’
He sighed.And how were you planning to go about that?
‘I … I …’
There was no finishing that sentence. My mind was a blank slate, or not so much a blank slate as a churning sea of panic from which no sensible thought could escape. I wasruiningthem. After they’d given me a home and a family. After they’d risked their lives for me. I was being an ungrateful, disgraceful little wench, and there had to besomethingI could do …
‘She’s angry because he is, right?’ I blurted, words tumbling over my lips without consulting my rational thoughts on their way out. Vaguely, I was aware I was gabbling. It didn’t stop my tongue from pressing on. ‘So if we can just calm him down – if we can stop him from being pissed with us for a moment …’
Which is what you’ve been trying to achieve for weeks, Creon reminded me.
‘Can’t we … can’t we tell him it was all a mistake?’ My mind clung to that thought with hooks and nails – mollify Tared. Save Tared. ‘What if we just tell them we’ve broken up! That would help, wouldn’t it? That would—’
No.
Just one sign, one snappish gesture, yet it was enough to smother every word I’d been planning to utter.
He had gone still in the deep golden light, a stark contrast to the emotions turning my mind into a whirlpool of fright – his face a sharp mask, his muscles straining tight. Only his wings flared ever so slightly behind his shoulders, an involuntary reflex not even his steely self-control could suppress.
Fuck.
That hadnotbeen the right thing to say.
‘I didn’t mean …’ The sand seemed to be swaying beneath my feet like a ship’s deck. Oh, no. Oh,no.‘Creon, I was not suggesting we break up! Just that wetellthem—’
I heard you.Something twitched in his jaw.And I was rejecting the suggestion.
‘But—’
I said no, Em.
I blinked, heart skipping a beat. ‘I’m just trying to understand—’
—that I can’t do this anymore? he burst out, the signs wide, uncontrolled swings as he took half a step towards me.What do you need to understand – that I’m sick of these lies? Sick of this secrecy? Sick of sneaking around like I’m committing some gods-damned crime, loving you?
