AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘Wait …wait.’ My voice shot up. ‘I mean, that much is clear, but—’
If it is, then why are we still doing this?He signed the words at dizzying speed, as if they’d itched below his skin for weeks, building pressure until they finally broke free.I understand the stress you’re under, I really do. I understand you’ve been trained all your life to care about everyone else before you care about yourself. But you can’t keep telling me to make myself vulnerable and then continue to treat me like something you’re ashamed of, or—
‘I’m not ashamed of you!’ I staggered towards him, hands coming up to grab the collar of his shirt and falling back down before they could complete the motion. ‘I’m just trying not to let everything fall apart before we even getcloseto saving the world! YouknowI am!’
Which is no excuse to destroy yourself, he signed, not moving even an inch towards me.
I let out a shrill laugh. ‘You’re one to talk. Who kept torturing himself for a hundred and thirty years on the off chance he might kill the Mother one day?’
My alternative was death.His lip curled up.Your alternative is happiness.
‘How many times do I have to tell you that I won’t be happy if I mess this up, either!’ My voice cracked. ‘If you know it all so damn well, why don’t you just tell me how I’m going to keep the phoenixes from shoving us out and the nymphs from cancelling our alliance and my fuckingfriendsfrom destroying themselves while I’m living my best life and ignoring everyone else’s wants and needs?’
Ringing silence.
The two feet between us seemed a distance of miles, suddenly, a chasm not even words could cross. Creon’s hands had clenched into fists. His breath was coming in slow, overly controlled inhalations, strangling back a fitting reply to my outburst.
‘Creon …’
What you need to do, he interrupted, signs strained and unnatural,is finally realise you’re not a pawn in this game. That every single one of them, even the ones who pretend they don’t care, even the ones who bluff and act like they’re in a position to make demands, will be utterly fucking lost without you. You’re the queen here, Em. You’re not the piece to be sacrificed. Start acting like it instead of bowing to their idle threats.
‘Fine, but that’s not—’
And also, he continued as if he hadn't heard me,figure out what you want from me.
A tight cage seemed to be compressing my ribs, squeezing the air from my lungs. ‘You know exactly what I want from you.’
Unconditional support combined with convenient invisibility?he suggested sharply, wings giving another involuntary shudder.My truths bared to the world while you cling to every lie you find useful at that moment? Anything else I’m forgetting?
I stared at him.
Anything else?
No sound came out when I parted my lips. Dark spots were dancing on the edges of my sight, my eyes focused on his strong fingers, on the sight of those motions I would never be able to scrub from my mind’s eye again. I’d forgotten how to speak. I might just have forgotten how to breathe, too.
I love you so much it fucking hurts, Em.How could even those signs look, somehow, like a door about to slam in my face?You’ve taken that ugly black heart of mine and brought it back to life, and I’m not sure it can even beat without you anymore. But I can’t have half of you. I can’t let you go every single time someone so much as looks at us with an unkind eye. And I definitely– that sign was a wide swing –am not going to listen to you telling the world we’ve broken up for whatever ungodly reason you come up with, true or not.
The air was ice in my lungs, cold seeping slowly into my guts, my limbs. I wrestled open my mouth and managed to ground out a hoarse, ‘I …’
So tell them whatever you want.He stepped back, sucking in the sort of breath one takes before diving into cold, deep water without knowing what’s waiting at the bottom.But I’ll be taking it for the truth.
And before I could find the presence of mind to reply – before I could figure out just what I was supposed to reply to – he was gone.
The sand was still warm when I sank down onto the beach, or perhaps rather collapsed onto it, my knees unable to carry my own weight a moment longer.
The truth.
The gods-damnedtruth.
How for the gods’ sakes had we ended up here – how hadIended up here, one lie removed from losing the one person I couldn’t,couldn’tstand to lose?
In hindsight … Gods, in hindsight everything was clearer. Looking back now, eyes clenched shut and head buried in my arms, I could see the warning signals I’d firmly ignored in my zeal for the greater good, the mirthless smiles I’d shoved aside, the discomfort I’d argued away. One bad choice at a time. One cowardly decision at a time.
Love doesn’t like to be taken for granted,Zera had said, and then … then I’d gone forth and done exactly that, hadn't I?
A helpless, powerless curse slipped over my lips.
Something warm and soft rubbed against my bare lower leg, the touch accompanied by a faint chirp I recognised in that disconcerting, instinctive way. I lifted my head – not because I felt much like lifting my head, but rather because I suspected a sharp peck to the ankle would follow if I didn’t pay my familiar the proper attention.
