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‘Don’t worry,’ I said sourly, ‘he tells me that about twice a week. We’ll handle it.’
She looked barely convinced but too tired to probe. ‘And you?’
I shrugged. ‘As long as it helps us break those damn bindings.’
Her suspicious glance told me she was questioning where my true priorities lay – but again the moment passed without further questions. She’d spent the past few hours having diplomatic conversations with Tared, fighting with Edored, and bickering with the Council, after all. I imagined she wasn’t going to add another tense conversation to that list as long as our goals largely aligned.
Now all she said was, ‘I’m sorry Tared and Agenor are being such …males.’
I couldn’t help a chuckle at that. ‘It’s alright. I’d rather have them think me a naïve young girl with an unfortunate infatuation than a victim in urgent need of saving. Or a monster, as the rest of the Underground would probably think if they knew …’
‘At some point,’ Lyn said, amber eyes large and cautious, ‘they’ll have to find out. I’m not sure if lying about it now will help then.’
I pushed away a sting of discomfort. Too close to Creon’s words, too close to something I hoped with all my heart wasn’t the truth. ‘I’m damn sure it won’t be pleasantnow, and no one knows what it’ll be like in the future.’
‘Yes, but—’
‘I should start packing,’ I said brusquely, swinging my feet to the other side of the bench with my breakfast still in my hand. Another admission of weakness. And hell, Iwasborrowing time without knowing how much I’d pay for it – but we had a mere ten days to comb an entire damn continent, the peace among my travel companions was already fraying, and this seemed the worst possible moment to find out how the truth of my love life would shift the balance between my allies.
‘Keep your bag light,’ Lyn said, shoulders sagging, although she didn’t press. She really had to be exhausted. ‘We’ll be walking most of the time. No sense trying to get alves on horses. Beyla is taking care of the food, so keep some room for provisions – oh, and don’t forget that nights are colder on the continent.’
‘Right,’ I said, wondering if I should ask Agenor how coldcolderwould be, exactly. ‘I’ll get Creon packing, too.’
She sighed and nodded, staring at her hands until I reached for the doorhandle. Only at the last moment did she snap up her head, sending her red curls scattering.
‘Em?’
Her voice had that tone of a thread snapping, of hours of tossing and turning being chucked aside in favour of one desperate and impulsive decision. I dropped my hand, realising as I turned fully towards her that I may be about to discover her true reason for sending Tared off.
She looked young, suddenly – really, truly young. In all these months I’d seen her panicked and emotional and conflicted, but rarely had I seen her …insecure?
‘What is it?’ I said carefully.
‘Tell me if I’m overstepping,’ she said, speaking too fast. ‘I understand – I really do – no offense taken, I promise. But I’ve been thinking about it for so long and I just … well, if I never ask, I—’
‘Lyn.’ I fell back against the door, crossing my arms with a joyless laugh. ‘What are you talking about? If you want me to name my children after you, I must regretfully inform you I’ve never thought about offspring that much.’
‘No!’ She buried her face in her hands with a sob-like groan. ‘Oh, gods help me. Just … Would it … would it be possible …’ She looked up, drawing in a breath. ‘Would you mind if I tried to learn some of that hand language he’s using? Creon, I mean?’
‘Would I … what?’
She threw me a panicked look. ‘It really is fine it you—’
‘Would Imind?’ I let out a baffled laugh, taking half a step forward. ‘Why for Zera’s loving heart would I ever mind?’
‘Well,’ she said, too fast again, ‘if it’s just something for the two of you – your secret insider thing – I don’t want to impose on anything that—’
‘Lyn, it’s hisvoice!’ My own voice caught, as if to show solidarity with Creon’s silence. ‘I don’t give a damn about shared secrets if he just needs tocommunicatewith the world. Please learn it. Learn all of it. Force the rest of the household to get a grasp on it, too. If I need a secret way to communicate with him, I’ll figure out something new, alright?’
‘Oh.’ She blinked, her shoulders falling at the unexpected lack of resistance. ‘That … Oh. I just thought … You never suggested it.’
‘You were keeping your distance from him,’ I said, and it was a challenge not to make it sound accusatory.
‘Yes,’ she admitted, bitter lines around her lips. ‘I was. I’ve decided I’m done with that, though.’
I blinked. ‘Just now?’
‘After what Agenor told us yesterday. His binding.’ She looked away, shoulders hunched in a gesture too young for her five hundred and something years. ‘It’s … Gods’ sakes, Em. The day I let him out of his cell, he told me he didn’t care what I had planned for him, as long as I promised I’d stick a knife through his heart if it ever looked like the Mother would get her hands on him again. And then he … he …’
