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Who knows, exactly?Creon signed next to me, with all the slow, catlike grace of a predator about to rip someone’s head off.Just the Council? Or …
‘Pretty much everyone, at this point,’ Lyn said bleakly. ‘It probably leaked through Agenor’s advisors and the alves at the Golden Court, who … well, they’re alves.’
I’d never heard Creon curse before and didn’t know the Faerie word he muttered under his breath, but even in that broken, gravelly voice, the feeling behind the unknown syllables was more than obvious.
‘Yes,’ Lyn said and grimaced at him. ‘So there’s some uproar. We managed to keep them from calling a full Council meeting for now, but in exchange, we were more or less forced to agree with the living room of the Svirla household as the location for our smaller gathering. The most important representatives will be there in about half an hour, and they’ll want to hear from you in particular, Em.’
The Alliance’s unbound little symbol, once again called upon to explain and justify herself. I couldfeelCreon’s displeasure in the corner of my sight more than that I saw it – a tension that I now realised had always been there at these occasions, with every blatant expectation laid at my feet. Bracing himself for every knot I’d tie myself into, every lie I’d insist on telling myself and the world around me.
You’re not a pawn in this game.
To hell with their hysterical questions. If I answered them wrong, if I didn’t answer them at all, they’d still need me to save their arses.
‘And you’re sure you want me there?’ I said, shaking my hair down my back. ‘Because I doubt my thoughts on the matter are going to calm anyone down that much.’
She briefly closed her eyes; the fire sputtered between us. ‘Em …’
‘I know. Iknow.’ The weight I felt was resting on her small shoulders, too – over a century of desperate rebellion, thousands of lives hanging in the balance. But I knew where that weight would lead me if I let it. I’d allowed it to drag me far too close to rock bottom already. ‘They won’t like my refusal to make that bloody bargain or any weaker version of it. And then what? Are they going to hand me over to the Mother in revenge?’
Her laugh was wafer-thin. ‘Of course they aren’t.’
‘No.’ I shrugged. ‘So then there isn’t a problem, really.’
Except that the ones of them I liked might be furious, too – the alves I’d played cards with, the nymphs who’d accompanied me during my long hours in the library. Hallthor and Ylfreda. Beyla. Edored.
Tared.
Go to hell, Emelin.
I gritted my teeth, steeling my heart against the stab of betrayal. Even Tared’s anger didn’t change things – notreally. Either he’d see sense, or he wouldn’t. And if it turned out he only wanted to be a friend to the little human girl who hated fae princes and agreed with him on all matters of honour and morality … well, then I would have to conclude that he didn’t want to be a friend to me.
It hurt, that thought. But it was a sharp, clear sort of hurt – a clean cut, not the ragged teeth of doubt that had tormented my heart for all these weeks.
‘As you wish,’ Lyn was saying, watching me closely with those wide amber eyes of hers. They gleamed in the light of her fire. ‘I hope you know what you’re doing, in that case.’
‘I think I’ve finally figured out what I’m doing,’ I said wryly. ‘I’m still fighting the fight, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that if I’m already risking my life for all of this, I’m not sacrificing my bloody soul, too.’
‘Right.’ She gave me a watery smile – pride and worry in equal amounts. ‘Still, I doubt the others will stop harping on about that gods-damned bargain until they’ve heard your stance on it. So if you can find it in yourself to have a word with them …’
She let the sentence die away, the rustling surf and crackling fire filling the air where her voice had been.
I looked at Creon, who hadn’t moved – and yet his wings seemed to slump deeper behind his shoulders than a minute or two ago. Gone was the light in his eyes, that explosive joy of his laughter. Instead, all I found in his gaze was cold resignation, the look of a weary warrior once again called to the battlefield. No time to celebrate, to enjoy even a night of simple peace; this was the Silent Death again, born for nothing but bloodshed, his mind never far away from his schemes and strategies.
Was it anger, that feeling stirring in me?
I didn’t want to go see the Alliance. Not now. But telling Lyn that we’d see them tomorrow wouldn’t solve a damn thing either, not when the mere fact of her presence was enough to stifle all celebratory sentiments we might have felt. We could refuse the call of war, but we could hardly deny its existence now that it had landed at our damn feet.
And its existence was enough to reduce the victory of Creon’s voice to little more than a small step forward.
For the gods’ sakes. Would this never end?
‘I suppose we can come,’ I muttered, not breaking Creon’s gaze. Expecting, perhaps, that he’d smile that confident, rebellious smile and announce there was no reason for us to go anywhere – that the Alliance could practice patience for a few hours while we finished what we’d started. When he didn’t, I sheepishly added, ‘If you don’t mind, that is.’
The mirthless smile growing on his face was not the one I’d been hoping for. Too bitter. Too dark.Obviously I mind.
I let out a joyless chuckle. ‘Obviously.’
But I suppose …He sat straighter, ruffling his wings with another muffled curse.I suppose it might be better to get this over with, if the idiots insist on making a point of it. We can’t afford to lose days arguing about nothing.
