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‘Just trying to make myself useful, cactus.’ A curt, almost snappish tone was seeping into his words. A warning I was digging too deep – a last attempt to push me away from whatever secret he was trying to protect. ‘It’s not that important.’
‘Not thatimportant?’ I hadn't planned to erupt so easily, but the words burst from my lips all the same – sharp and unavoidable. ‘When you’ve spent days looking like you’rewaiting for the gallows? I may have kept quiet, but don’t insult me by pretending I’m blind enough not to notice – so whatisit, Creon?’
He closed his eyes. ‘I said—’
‘That you’re trying to figure out what you’ll be doing in the coming days.’ I gestured wildly at the rest of the Underground, almost knocking over one of Lyn’s clothing racks. ‘Which doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it? Ask Agenor for some task, and I’m sure he’ll be happy to run you ragged from dawn to dusk. As long as you’re not throwing yourself headfirst into any fae armies again—’
‘Counting swords and stirring poisons?’ he sharply cut in, lips curling into a sneer that was every inch the spurned, furious fae prince. Like a snake coiling to strike, an animal backed into a corner of its own making. ‘Is that really what you want me to be doing, then? Sitting around below the earth for days and wasting my time on jobs any fool could do, while you’re out there risking your life and sanity to save the world?’
It echoed in the sudden silence, that last sentence – and something twisted sideways in my brain.
No. No, what was I thinking? Not Creon – notmyCreon, who loved my sharp edges and my brashness, who had watched me decimate a whole damn fleet and laughed in triumph. Gods help me, none of this was making sense. And yet, the way he was sitting there, tense as if poised for a fight, lips tight with something a hair’s breadth removed from spite …
Is that what you want me to be doing?
‘Creon …’ The hairs on the back of my neck were prickling. ‘Creon, are youjealousof me?’
Had I slapped him in the face, he could not have frozen more abruptly. ‘What?’
‘Is that what you’re trying to avoid telling me? That you’re unhappy I now have powers you don’t have?’ The words spilledfrom me like poison, burning on my lips – as gut-wrenching as the shocked bewilderment exploding on his face, and still I kept talking. The claws of fear wouldn’t let me shut up. ‘You’ve been behaving unlike yourself since the moment we got back home – that reckless nonsense at the Golden Court, looking all miffed when people were whispering about me … So is this the bloody problem? Are you really just—’
He shot to his feet, wings snapping out with unbridled force. ‘Em,stop.’
It did not matter I’d had no intention of stopping. It did not matter my thoughts seemed to be crowding my tongue, jostling to be next out the gate. His command came out with all the raw authority only the world’s deadliest creature could wield, cutting through the tangle of my thoughts like a freshly whetted knife; my tongue obeyed instinctively, falling silent mid-word. I swallowed and swallowed again, staring up at him with my breath in tatters – trying to make sense of the war waging behind his ink-black eyes, and failing miserably.
Gods help me, was thatfeardarkening his features?
‘But—’ I started.
‘No,’ he interrupted, voice sharp and urgent as he crossed the three, four steps between us. ‘On every last crumb of honour I have in me, cactus –no. You’re the very last person in the world I would ever begrudge anything, powers or otherwise. I’m in awe of all you’re achieving. All I want is for you to getmoreof it, and I’d rather hand over my own magic to you than deny you a single bloody thing you deserve. Jealousy has nothing to do with any of this. Please.’
Please.
My lips would no longer move.
He towered over me, six solid feet of magic and muscle – a stark, elegant shadow against the colourful cacophony of Lyn’s wardrobe, and yet his eyes were darker still. They held mygaze with that unnerving mixture of shock and anguish, some emotion that was vulnerable before it was anything else – as if a single word more from my lips might shatter him. As if my questionshadalready broken something deep within, snapped him like a thread of delicate silk, and left him bleeding out behind that devastating façade.
There was no deception in that look.
Whatever he’d been lying about in these past few days, whatever truths he’d tried to evade and bury beneath indifferent counterquestions – this at least was the full, heartbreaking truth. No envy. No bitterness. If I needed him to give up every single weapon he’d ever wield, he would do it without thinking and never for a minute regret the choice he’d made.
Which I should have known.
And then again, what else was I to make of that harsh, almost spiteful outburst?
‘So what is going on, then?’ I whispered, head tilted back so I could look up at him. ‘It’s clear enough that there’ssomethingyou’re brooding on. Hiding it from me really isn’t going to make anything better.’
He sighed and held out a hand to me, palm up – an offer and request at once. I grabbed his wrist, and he tugged me to my feet with a single smooth motion, wrapping his free arm around me to haul me against his chest.
His shoulder was tense below my forehead. His fingers dug into the small of my back with too much force, as if he was holding on to something he was bound to lose, something that might just slip through his fingers the moment his attention strayed for the blink of an eye. Not jealousy, perhaps, but I’d sooner believe the Mother meant no harm than accept his stubborn insistence there was nothing for me to worry about.
‘Creon?’ I breathed, closing my eyes.
‘I’m having trouble watching you do all you need to do and not being able to take anything off your plate,’ he muttered, breath warming the crown of my head as he brushed his lips over my hair. ‘I’m not used to it – being powerless. Drives me mad to watch you drive yourself to the edge of insanity without being able to do anything about it.’
The little tremor in his voice was unmistakable. No lies here, either; it sounded too much like him not to be true. Then again …
Was it the full truth?
