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He hunches forward, trying to meet my eyes. But I can’t. If I look into his eyes, I’m afraid I’ll say something I’ll regret. Like how I think I love him, but that maybe this isn’t meant to be if it’s so damn hard to find a quiet moment to be together.
I shake my head. “I don’t know.”
Neither of us says anything else. In the next few days, we don’t even exchange a single text. That’s how we leave campus for Thanksgiving. I wonder if he has a pit in his stomach the same way I do.
CHAPTER 29
MAX
If not for my mom’s demand that I join the family for Thanksgiving—as if I wasn’t there every single year—I would’ve stayed at the dorm. Look at me, getting the point.
Still, out of the many things that have changed this year, chief is the time she insists I arrive: noon and not a second before. In my family, we have our big meal at lunch, but preparing for it is an affair that starts the night before. And because Alessandra Cassiano runs a tight ship, absolutely everyone contributes. Yes, including the men. At the end of the day, everyone but Leo and me works at a restaurant, so no Cassiano man has the excuse of never having visited a kitchen.
Which means she doesn’t want me to contribute. And I suspect that the late arrival time is to shorten the number of hours I’ll spend with the whole family. It’s a very nice and subtle way of saying they don’t want me there. I’m not shocked. They’ve basically spent my entire life drilling home that point.
In addition, this time, they’re probably concerned that Leo and I will get into another tussle. A likely prospect, considering how high-strung I feel.
Since I made it with about fifteen minutes to spare, I’ve been sitting in my truck on my own. I parked on the parallel street so no one can see me. After running my hand through my hair several times, I look like I was electrocuted. The ache in my chest could very well be because of that, or because no one in my life cares about me enough. And I don’t even have anyone to vent to because, what kind of guy does that?
One who actually has people who care, I guess.
I rest my head on the ice-cold windowpane. Between my weird family, the prospect of seeing them again, and that awkward fight with Tinker Bell, I’m unmoored. Like the gentlest autumn breeze might sweep all two hundred and ten pounds of me away.
The oppressive feeling in the center of my chest doesn’t let me breathe properly, and I know it’s all because I miss her. Because I want to tell her how I really feel—about her, my family, myself—and see if she cares. But after that talk, I’m afraid the most important thing to her will be to continue with the status quo. And I get it. I don’t want to deal with the fallout either. But she’s worth it.
Is it that maybe I’m not worth it? To anyone?
“Ah, shit.” I run my hands around the steering wheel, trying to stay busy enough so I don’t start wailing like a baby.
My phone buzzes with an incoming call. Mom.
I press the green button, and immediately, she says, “Massimo Cassiano, where are you? We are hungry.”
“On my way.”
“You better be here in five minutes, or else.” She hangs up before formulating the rest of the threat, but the shouts in the background told me everything I need to know.
“Let’s just get this done and go back to the dorm,” I say into the silence, sighing. Every cell in my body wants to be elsewhere. Preferably where Luz Rodriguez is.
Too soon, I’m parked in front of the house. I’m surprised there was even a spot left for me. The small Georgian house I grew up in looms in front of me. It was my whole world until recently, until I thought I had finally escaped it. I don’t know what I was thinking by attending a college in town—that I wouldn’t have to come back here again?
The door flies open, and out comes my second brother, Alessandro. None of the Cassiano men were cursed with a balding head, and his full hair bounces as he takes the steps down toward me. He’s the hardest to read, the one I’ve always had less of any relationship with, and I’m confused as to why he’s the welcome parade.
“I have to warn you,” he says in greeting. “Don’t go in there and be an ass.”
Obviously, it makes me want to be an ass. Instead, I say, “Okay?”
“Cossimo Jr. already gave the same speech to Leo. We’re all on a tightrope with Mom and Dad right now.”
My brow furrows. So this is a legit warning, huh?
“Thanks.”
“Let’s go. My stomach’s starting to eat itself.”
What little amusement I can conjure up comes out as a snort.
I follow behind him, taking off my thick jacket even before I make it to the threshold. No one else so much as glances my way as I dump it on the pile by the door. It’ll stay on top, which means I can grab it quickly and make a dash out before anyone else.
