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My knees cave.
Fuck, what was I supposed to do again…?
Sort her out…something. I clench the back of my teeth. I can’t even sort myself out. Let alone her.
”Hi Phil,” she breathes, before a wide smile lights up her face. ”I’m ready to model for you.”
My heart squeezes like a fist in my chest. With one look from her I feel like I’m everything I need to be. And it’s not fair when I’ve waited for someone like her my whole life and then she’s delivered to me far too fresh and too far from ripe. ”Hi sweetheart,” I say in a low voice and she skips inside the studio.
”I’ve been looking forward to this all day,” she laughs. ”Talked about having my photos taken by you to all my friends during recess. Everyone’s so jealous. They were practically green in the face with envy!”
She lets out a thrilled laugh and I drag a hand down my neck. Recess? Fuck, this just keeps on getting worse and worse and I feel myself grow aggravated at for having these feelings about her.
”When do you finish high school?” I clip, and I must’ve sounded pissed off because she flinches.
”In a week.”
”Have you applied for college?”
”Heck no,” she grimaces. ”I’m not going. I told you, I want to become a model. I want to be like all those amazing girlies you take pictures of.”
I open my mouth to respond then tense, when Denise attempts to take off her jacket. ”What are you doing? Keep that on.” I don’t need to be reminded of how sensually her breasts strain against her shirt.
Denise gawks. ”It’s too warm in here.”
”Then we’ll head out. Snap a couple of photos of you in the traffic.”
Pinching her lip, she murmurs, ”Okay, but I want to give you something first.” She picks up a notebook from her purse and opens it up. ”It’s a scrapbook,” she breathes. ”Of you and your work. I was up until three in the morning and did this, in case you wonder why I look like I haven’t had my beauty sleep.”
I stare at her, slightly shocked she did something like that for me.
Oh, sweet girl…sweet, sweet girl. I go lightheaded, wanting to bury my face in her hair and tell her she can have every bone in my body and every organ. I struggle to breathe and it feels as if I’ll never be able to get enough oxygen unless it’s sucked out of her mouth.
”Don’t you like it?” Denise whispers, looking at me with worry. ”Is it too much? You don’t have to accept it, I can throw it in the trash if…”
”I’ll cherish it.” I quickly take the scrapbook from her. ”I’ll cherish it with my life to the day I die.”
She snickers. ”It’s not that valuable, Phil…it’s just a little token of my appreciation for what you do for me.” Her eyes glimmer. ”You’re going to make me a star. I know you will. If anyone can help me then it’s you.”
A lump forms in my throat.
I’m toast.
4.
Denise
It’s not as windy today as it was yesterday.
Philip and I walk into the street and the sound of traffic swishes in my ears. I’ll barely be able to hear what poses he wants me to strike, but I suppose all models struggle with this and I’ll do my best. I’ll do whatever I need, to get a good shot.
This means more to more to me than anyone can imagine and I’m over the moon that Philip has agreed to take my pictures. And completely free of cost! I told my mom, Philip wasn’t charging anything and even she was surprised. Mom doesn’t want me to do this, but I don’t care what she thinks. She spent the whole morning trying to talk me out of this, but I put my headphones on and refused to listen. Nobody’s going to stop me. I know what I want and what I want is my face on every single billboard!
I want to be seen.
Well, it’s actually more than that…I have to be seen. It’s a need more than a want.
Leaning against a lamppost, I flash a smile as Philip snaps a couple of pics. I still want to take my jacket off, I have to show off my figure for the agencies but as soon as I attempt to remove it, he glares at me and tells me to keep it on. It’s pretty unfair, considering he’s not wearing a jacket himself. His sleeves are rolled up, putting his tan, veiny arms on display and I feel my lids flutter.
