Page 5 of Tangled Innocence

I sign out of the chat and sigh. It only takes a little bit of time to organize my things and clear my desk. Turns out grief is actually kinda good for productivity, because I got a lot of stuff done. Dmitri hasn’t been back to the office since our cringe-inducing encounter this morning, but even he wouldn’t be able to criticize today’s effort.

I open the desk drawer to drop in a sheaf of papers and something catches my eye. My heart leaps into my throat immediately, but I can’t stop myself from reaching in and pulling out the gilded picture frame.

I don’t really need to look at it—I pretty much see this picture every night before I go to sleep like it’s tattooed on the back of my eyelids.

It’s me and Rose on her wedding day, wearing matching silk bathrobes as I toy with her hair. We’re looking at each other in the mirror and there’s just something in her gaze and in mine that screams “love.”

Come to think of it, it’s weirdly akin to the tenderness in Dmitri’s eyes from earlier.

I shake that thought off immediately. Dmitri Egorov is not physically capable of loving anyone like I loved Rose—except for maybe himself.

But this…

Fuck, I can remember this day. The room smelled like Rose’s vanilla perfume and the roses set up on the vanity. She was so happy. This was before the endless procession of doctors, before dozens upon dozens of negative pregnancy tests, before the verdict that conceiving was gonna be a no-go for her.

There was nothing to be sad about. The future was bright and beautiful and rose-scented. Pun intended.

The longer I look at the picture, the more my heart seems to be strangling me from the inside out. So I quickly tuck it back in my desk and slam the drawer closed. But it’s not fast enough to stop a single rogue tear from racing down my cheek and dropping onto the empty desktop.

I wipe it away, grab my purse, and stand.

I have a meeting with my baby daddy to get to.

When I get to Lifelines Bistro, I order a margarita immediately. If I don’t, I’m gonna have a nuclear meltdown. My nerves are frayed beyond belief and I can’t stop my hands from shaking.

Alcohol usually does the trick in these kinds of situations.

Unfortunately, no sooner have the words “make it strong” come to the tip of my tongue than do I remember that the entire reason I’m here in the first place precludes me from getting drunk at all.

So with a sigh, I amend to say, “Make it… virgin.”

I pick a table in the corner with a vantage point of the front door and sit down. It’s quiet in here tonight, which is a little weird for a Chicago Business District bar on a Wednesday at happy hour, but that’s one of the reasons I picked it.

I want as few onlookers as possible to witness what might be the most awkward conversation of my life.

Uh, yeah, so we don’t know each other, sir, but it seems like we’re about to have a baby together.

Cue cringe vomiting.

The virgin margarita disappears down the hatch before I even realize how fast I’m drinking it. I need something to distract myself, even if this is placebo alcohol.

I order another one, mostly just to have something to do with my hands, and that goes down even easier. The thorny, recurring thoughts that have plagued me all day seem to retract their claws a little bit more with each and every sip.

Mocktail or not, it’s helping.

I watch the door like a hawk, sparing an eye for the time on my phone every now and then. But fifteen minutes passes by, and no one shows.

Thirty minutes. Nothing.

I’m wearing a scarlet red blouse, just like I told Dr. Saeder to let the sperm donor know, so I’m pretty hard to miss. But as 5:45 P.M. comes and goes, I start to lose faith.

Maybe this was silly. What am I even hoping to gain from it? A co-parent? Someone to replace the role that Rose and Jared were supposed to fill? Hell no. Truth is, I don’t even want this mystery man to have anything to do with this baby.

I just…

I don’t even know. I just want to meet them, I guess. To look my baby’s father in the face so I understand what kind of person has somehow snuck into the most intimate part of me.

But that’s dumb, isn’t it? It won’t change anything. It won’t bring back my family or make my life any less difficult.

Source: www.allfreenovel.com