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“Well…” I twist my hands together, the self-consciousness rushing through every inch of me. “You weren’t exactly excited to discover I was pregnant. Which is totally understandable,” I rush to assure him. “I mean, neither one of us was expecting it. And I was your assistant. And we hadn’t even had sex—” Jeez, I’m babbling. Stop me, please. Just freaking interrupt! “I get that this pregnancy happened under unusual circumstances, but—” I take a deep breath. “Sorry.”
“What exactly are you trying to tell me?”
The question itself is aggressive; the way he asks it is anything but. He runs a huge, smooth hand along my calf to calm me. His face is patient and open, showing no trace of the emotional barriers that once stood like freaking trauma mountains between us.
“I guess,” I mumble with a gulp, “I was hoping that, somewhere along the way, you decided to be happy about this baby.”
Silence. My anxiety starts to creep back up. I watch Dmitri’s chest rise and fall with his breathing, too scared to look into his eyes.
And as the silence stretches on, I rush to fill it. “I mean, it’s just—I know you’re happy about having an heir to take over your Bratva and all. I guess I was hoping that you would be happy on a more… personal level.”
More silence.
But this one doesn’t last. One last breath of unease and then he’s pulling all of me into his embrace and pressing my cheek to his chest. The rumble of his heartbeat soothes me, as does his hand combing through my hair again and again. I feel his voice as much as I hear it when he speaks.
“I’ll be honest, Wren: this is not how I expected to enter into fatherhood.” His hand stills. “But that doesn’t mean this isn’t exactly where I want to be.”
I hate how my own voice comes out shaky and insubstantial. “Yeah?”
“It doesn’t matter to me how our son came to exist. What matters is that he exists. He’s part of both of us and that makes him special. Extra special, in fact, because he brought you to me. How many other children can make that claim?”
A teary laugh escapes my lips. “Not many.”
“See? He’s not even born yet and already, he’s exceptional.”
My bottom lip trembles and I try to bite back my tears. I can’t even blame this on hormones; this is all Dmitri. “Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”
“Go right ahead.”
“It’s about Elena.”
His smile doesn’t falter. “Consider me warned.”
“Did you ever think about having children with her?” I clear my throat and add quickly. “Just FYI, there is no wrong answer. And no answer is okay, too.”
He breathes quietly. “Elena was so young when we got married. I didn’t have children on the brain in a serious way. I always assumed we would have them one day, but I suppose I was thinking about it like it was strictly business. Legacies and heirs, like you said.”
“Oh.”
“But then Elena told me she didn’t want children. So we were at an impasse. I didn’t push her too hard. I was immature, prideful. I thought that, if I changed my own mind, it would be easy to change hers when the time came.”
“Did she say why she didn’t want kids?”
Dmitri falls silent for a bit. I worry that I’ve pushed this conversation too far and I’m about to apologize when he speaks again. “It’s funny… I’m not sure Elena was honest with me about the real reason.”
I frown. “How would you know that?”
“Because Bee told me just before… the, uh, wedding. She told me that Elena wanted kids; she just didn’t want to have them with me. Because of the world I lived in, the circles I traveled in… All I knew was what Elena told me. That she was scared to be a mother because she didn’t think she could be a good one.”
I sink into his side and run my fingers lazily through his chest hair. “Maybe both reasons are true?”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” He sighs. “Either way, I didn’t know my wife as well as I thought I did. Turns out, Bee knew her a hell of a lot better.”
“Yeah, well, color me surprised.”
He glances down. I can feel the heat of his frown even without looking back up at him. “What is that supposed to mean?”
I cringe. “Um, nothing.” He keeps staring and I cave like papier-mâché. “It’s just… you’re not always the easiest person to be honest with, Dmitri. You don’t really allow a lot of space for… other people.”
