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“You shouldn’t be here,” Antonio says.
The pain in his voice makes my chest tighten.
“But I am,” I tell him. “And you can tell me anything. I’ll listen.”
He shakes his head slowly. “There’s nothing for me to say.”
“That’s fine. I’ll still be here.”
“No.” Anger sparks in his eyes. “I don’t want you here.”
This cold expression on a face that has shown me nothing but kindness, these sharp words in a voice that I love – they take me back. A chill goes through my spine. Still, I sit down beside him.
“I said I don’t want you here,” Antonio repeats in a louder, more insistent voice.
Is he mad at me for real this time? No. I don’t believe that. I haven’t done anything to earn his wrath. He’s just pushing me away like he did last time because he doesn’t want me to see him agonizing over something like a sulking child.
Well, I’m already here, and like I said, I’m not going anywhere.
“You can try to push me away all you want,” I tell him. “I’m staying.”
Antonio shakes his head, faster this time. “Just leave me alone, Triss.”
“No.”
“Just go!”
He literally pushes me away. I fall over my crutches.
A moment later, Antonio gets on his feet and towers over me. I pull myself back into a sitting position and look up at him. His chest heaves. His shoulders tremble.
“I told you that you shouldn’t be here,” he says in a softer voice. “I’ll only hurt you.”
“I’m not hurt,” I tell him.
It’s true. I might have fallen, but I’m fine.
“You’re the one who’s hurting, Antonio.”
“You’re right,” he answers as he grips his hair. “I’m a mess. I’m broken.”
I frown. “That’s not what I said.”
“I can’t help anyone. Look at what happened to Kevin.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s not your fault.”
I just know it.
“And I can’t help you. You said it yourself.”
I did. I didn’t mean to hurt him, though. I only wanted him to understand my situation.
“And you’re right,” Antonio tells me. “I can’t do anything for you. I can’t protect you from anyone because I’m no one.”
“That’s not true.” I clutch his hand. “You’re a good man, Antonio. A man who cares about others and saves lives.”
Again, he shakes his head. “I can’t save anyone.”
“Maybe not everyone, but you’ve saved my life twice,” I remind him. “Thrice if we count last night.”
Antonio says nothing. I pull myself up to sit on the edge of the bed, then I pull him down so that he’s sitting beside me.
“Hey.” I look into his eyes.
When he avoids my gaze, I place my hand on his injured cheek.
“Hey. It’s not up to you to save everyone. You can only save yourself.”
“I can’t even do that.”
“But you have done that. You’ve survived. And I’m glad you have. I’m glad I was able to meet you.”
I touch my forehead to Antonio’s and close my eyes, hoping, praying that my words will break through all these ugly layers of regret, self-loathing and pain and reach the beautiful soul that I know is in there.
Please…
When I feel a coarse palm on my cheek, my heart leaps victoriously. My lips stretch into a smile. I’m about to open my eyes, but then I feel his lips gently pressing against mine. My heart stops and I go still.
Antonio is… kissing me?
He does it again, just as gently. My lips tingle.
I’ve never been kissed like this before. Like snowflakes are dancing all around me to the soft music of a distant violin. When they touch my skin, I shiver. Then they melt and dissolve my fears with them.
I kiss Antonio back. My hand strokes his chiseled cheek. His cradles my jaw as his lips press against mine, more firmly but not roughly. The snowflakes around me turn into a flurry.
Antonio’s other hand touches my shoulder and travels down my arm to my elbow. Everywhere his fingertips touch, my skin comes alive like the ice on the surface of a pond breaking. The warmth from his skin seeps in. The frozen rivers in my veins begin to flow.
My idle hand rests on Antonio’s lap and slowly approaches his hip. My fingers climb past it and slip beneath the hem of his shirt to brush against skin and muscle.
I want to feel more of him.
Suddenly, I feel the tip of Antonio’s tongue rub against mine. It sends a shiver down my spine all the way to my toes. I part my lips and his tongue enters my mouth. The snowflakes are in my chest now, in a frenzy.
The hand on my elbow shifts to my breast. I can feel Antonio’s skin even through my shirt, my bra. When his thumb brushes against my nipple, my breath leaves me. I pull my mouth away to try and catch it.
Antonio’s hot breath tickles my cheek, then my ear. His lips capture the lobe. His tongue traces it as his thumb continues to rub against my clothed nipple. I feel it stiffen. My breast swells.
