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I nod. So we’ll proceed as planned. I should feel relieved, but somehow my anxiety hasn’t decreased one bit.
“Also, he said he wasn’t going to tell anyone else,” Antonio adds. “Not even Bernie. He’ll leave it to us to explain everything after the whole issue has been resolved.”
“Okay.”
At least I won’t be crucified for my actions, even though Ned must want to see me punished after making his sister suffer. When this is all over, I’ll be sure to thank him and apologize to Maggie.
Antonio pats my shoulder. “Don’t worry. Everything will work out fine.”
He touches Lara’s arm.
“The authorities will do everything possible to get Lara back to her family, and if they can’t, we’ll adopt her and we’ll be a real family.”
A real family. I haven’t had that in a while. It sounds good, but I can’t allow myself to hope. It would be wrong to hope that Lara doesn’t get returned to her real mother and father.
If they’re alive and well, I’m sure they’ve been worried sick about her. I realize now that I must have put them through a painful ordeal and I resent myself for it. That’s why I’ve made up my mind to give Lara back. That’s why I must hope they get her back.
It’s the right thing to do. It’s the best for Lara. I know all that already. But why does my heart feel so heavy? Why do I feel like I want to cry each time I look at Lara?
“Triss.” Antonio rubs my shoulder. “Everything will be okay. For now, just keep taking care of Lara so that she gets back in the pink of health, and then we’ll go to the city and make things right.”
Make things right? Why then does it feel so wrong?
Antonio plants a kiss on the side of my head. “I’ll be right next door working. Let me know if you need anything.”
He walks out of the room.
Anything? What do I need? I should have everything I need now. A husband. A home. So why do I feel so uneasy?
I stare at Lara’s face and let out a deep breath.
“Why can’t I be as carefree as you?”
Just then, the door opens again. For a moment, I think it’s Antonio coming back because he forgot something. Lately, I keep expecting to see him everywhere. As I look up, I realize it’s Sally, her clipboard in hand. She looks at it as she stops a few feet away from me.
“How’s Lara? Did she throw up? Does she still have diarrhea?”
I give her a puzzled look. What? No hello? She must be busy.
“She didn’t throw up,” I answer. “And she hasn’t pooped since last night. She slept better, too.”
Sally makes some notes on her chart.
“How many times did she wet her diaper?”
I pause to recall them. “Three.”
“And how many bottles of milk did she drink?”
“She finally managed to finish a whole bottle early this morning,” I tell Sally proudly. “That’s good, right?”
She doesn’t answer. She just scribbles on her chart. Then she checks Lara’s scalp, her foot and the IV bag, all without a word, which I find worrisome since she’s usually so chatty and cheerful.
What happened? Is she mad at me? She hasn’t even looked at me.
When she starts to walk away, I grab her arm. “Sally, wait.”
She stops but doesn’t look at me. “I have work to do.”
“I know. I just want to find out if there’s something bothering you. You’ve always been there for me. I want you to know I’m here for you, too. We’re friends, remember?”
She doesn’t answer.
I draw a breath. “Sally…”
“We’re not friends,” she tells me as she pulls her arm away. “Friends don’t lie to each other.”
My arm falls to my side as my heart sinks. My chin drops. She found out?
“Yesterday, you asked me if I would get mad if I found out someone was keeping a secret from me,” Sally goes on. “I thought that was a weird question. I thought you might be hiding something from Antonio. It didn’t occur to me that you were lying to us all about Lara. That’s how good a liar you are.”
She finally turns to look at me, but I wish she hadn’t as I see the disappointment in her eyes. Antonio had that same look last night when he found out I was making a fool of him.
“I never meant to lie, Sally,” I tell her the same thing I told Antonio. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
“If?” Sally’s eyes narrow. “Oh, you hurt me, Triss. You let me fall in love with Lara even though you knew she wasn’t yours, that she would eventually have to go. Or were you planning on keeping your secret and her forever?”
“No.”
“And you made a fool out of me. I poured my heart out to you about being a mother and you just sat there and pretended to care.”
