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The front door slams behind me as I make my way inside. I head for the shower and completely ignore my responsibilities like feeding Duke. He can wait a few more minutes as I need a moment to gather myself.
Clothes go off.
Hot water goes on.
I stand with my face under the spray and just breathe in and out.
I fell in love with her, of this I have no doubt.
I told her I wanted her to be mine.
Why did I never think to ask her if she wanted me in return?
My heart aches, and my nose and my eyes sting. Could there be tears? Maybe. But as long as I don’t see or feel them, I can’t be sure they ever happened.
Just like us.
I’m not sure we ever really happened either. It’s like I made it all up in my head. But now I know better, and this ends today.
28
CORA
Ican’t believe that Winston had the nerve to come here and humiliate me in front of Briggs. I’m horrified over the way he acted and talked to Briggs, and I’m horrified that Briggs listened to him talk to me the way he does. I had already decided that I was done being their marionette, where they pulled my strings any way they wanted, but after today, I see no point in speaking to any of them ever again.
I am not a child.
And I am done.
After this feeling of obligation I’ve had toward them all these years, Winston may as well have been the scissors today who cut the strings. What he did was not okay, and the moment he left, I shoved my feet into my boots and ran through the dark straight to Briggs’s house. I owe him a million apologies.
Knocking on the door, I flop down in the closest seat and try to contain the adrenaline racing through me. The air is cool, but my heart races, my palms sweat, and more than anything, I want to make sure he knows I am not like them, and I will no longer answer when they call for me.
But then again, I think he already knows this. We talked about so much over the weekend and on the flight home. I’ve opened up to him more than I have anyone else ever.
I’m nervous, I’m excited, and for the first time in what feels like forever, I feel truly free.
Heavy steps get louder the closer he gets to the door, and if I didn’t feel like I owed him many apologies first, I’d jump straight into his arms. He gave me the push I needed in New York. So many times, I’ve thought about getting up out of that chair and walking out, and once I finally did, it was so much easier than I thought it would be.
He’s also shown me that I can be me, and there’s nothing wrong with me. Avery and Emma have been telling me this for years, but to allow myself to love someone and have them love me in return, flaws and all, I feel like I could fly to the moon.
And I do, I love him.
After what feels like forever, he opens the door, and Duke wanders out first.
“Hi, buddy,” I tell him as he places his head on my leg for me to pet him. His fur is soft, his tail is wagging, and I squeeze him with a hug. I have so many emotions running through me, new ones too, that it’s hard to contain them, and I need this hug.
“You’re sitting in my mother’s chair,” Briggs says to me. His voice sounds strange, and when I glance up at him, the smile on my face falls right off. His grumpy face has returned, and as his words register, I slide out of the rocking chair.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” I tell him, reaching over and grabbing the back of it to get it to stop moving.
He doesn’t say anything. He just looks at me, and I’m reminded of the night we met all over again.
“Thank you for coming over. Can you believe he did that? And said those things! I promise you I didn’t know Winston was dropping in?—”
“Did he leave?” he asks, cutting me off, even though I’m sure he already knows the answer to this. There’s no sneaking a car up and down the mountain.
“Yes, and I’m so sorry. I came right over because I need you to know that I think he’s awful, and I am thoroughly embarrassed by what you saw. I know you know this, but I promise I am not like them. I don’t think the way they do, I don’t act the way they do, and well, I’m really hoping you know these things.”
