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Could I search for the darkness within me?
I continued to lie there with my eyes closed, drifting in the water. I tried to shut out all other thoughts and just listen to my innermost thoughts.
A tingling sensation ran through my entire body, becoming stronger and stronger. At first, it was everywhere, but then it centered in the middle of my body. And there it was, this feeling of security and comfort that raged inside me like a dark fire. Slowly, I dived deeper into it. It embraced me, knew me, and I knew it. It had always been a part of me, rejected and misunderstood.
But now I wanted to give myself entirely to this darkness, to heal myself. So, I dived further into the blackness that was me, with which I shared my soul.
Then I saw it, the center of myself, surrounded by millions of little lights that floated like snow. It was like coming home. Tears of happiness ran down my cheeks and mixed with the bath water.
That was my self, my core. The darkness that dominated me and my tiny sparks of light.
CHAPTER 34
For a long time, I had simply lay there, surrounded by water and deeply immersed in my being. I had let the darkness enter my being, connected with it, and found peace.
Only when we were both completely at peace with each other, completely united, did I open my eyes again. I was grounded and could now better understand my needs and myself. I had looked in the mirror and had finally merged with it. When I got out of the bath, I knew I had met myself. Somewhere along the road of life, I had lost my reflection and no longer knew who I was. But that had now changed.
For the first time in years, I was at peace with myself. I was in harmony, in balance.
Ultimately, I was indebted to the Ker, as his attack had brought me back to myself. What a fight we were in for; I was ready.
I quickly picked out some clothes from the bedroom wardrobe. Like in the Hamptons, the drawers contained different-colored jeans and shirts, making my heart beat faster with joy.
"Thank you for the great clothes! I love them," I mentally shouted across the many rooms to the landlord.
"You're welcome," came back directly. "Although I'd rather see you in a dress."
"I'll wear one for dinner with Hades and Persephone, but for now, I prefer the jeans and shirts."
"I know. That's why I got so many of them." I could literally see his wink in my mind.
"Will you come with me to the kitchen?" I suggested. "I'm ravenous, and we're sure to meet the others there—even if it's just my brothers because they always have an appetite. We need to go through everything again. I have a bad feeling we're missing something."
"I know what you mean. I've had that feeling, too."
With a tingling feeling in my stomach that I tried to ignore, I plaited my hair, slipped into light sneakers, and left the room. At the exact moment, Tanael's door opened.
I was surprised to see he was also wearing jeans. They were low-rise, which really took my breath away, and he was wearing a plain black shirt that showed off every muscle in his upper body. Wow!
He approached me with a wry grin. "I thought I'd try out your jeans-and-shirt combination too."
"Looks..." I had to swallow. "Looks quite good on you."
"Thank you. It looks good on you, too. Very good."
"Should we go downstairs?" I tried to save the situation and, above all, make sure that we were no longer alone.
"How did you know I was still in my room?" Tanael asked as we walked to the first floor.
I paused in amazement. "I just knew," I answered honestly.
"Ah, there you are. Hungry?" Sam interrupted our conversation, holding two bottles of wine.
"Ravenous!" I laughed and followed him to the kitchen. "Crawling through tunnels and diving makes you super hungry!"
Tanael walked silently behind us.
"Look who I found when I took the wine out of the cellar." An excited commotion greeted us in the room, which now seemed smaller. Everyone was already sitting around the dining table, even my father, whom I kissed on the cheek.
