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Is this what beingbroodyfeels like?
“Okay, let’s paint.”
She stands slowly. “Let me put this one down, and then we’ll go.”
After putting David in his crib without crying and getting the baby monitor, we go into the spare room. Lexi leans down, wincing. “Hey…” I touch her arm. “Just show me where it is.”
“See? Pregnancy isn’t all sunshine and rainbows.”
“I neversaidit was.”
I get the box from under the bed, and then we go down into the back patio, the conservatory area, with the hard floor. Lexi hums a tune as I lay newspapers down, rinsing out a large cup.
“What shall I paint? You again?”
Lexi laughs. “No, I’m not standing there like that again. It was worth it when I was pregnant.”
“It must’ve been way harder!”
“Yeah, but it wasworthit.”
As I start mixing the paint, she clicks her fingers together. “I’ve got an idea. Give me a second, and please, if anybody’s listening, let my little bundle of joy not cry forfiveminutes.”
She leaves the room, acting all mysterious. I keep up with the mixing, and then my phone vibrates. I quickly set everything down and snatch it from my pocket. It’sourphone, our connection.
Sorry, Mia. I’m busy, but maybe you’re right.
Meaning maybe he could find something to commit himself to? Like me, a future, like a life? I try to push all that down, not letting myself think about it, but it’s like sayingpink taxiand then not instantly seeing a pink taxi.
“Come on, boy,” Lexi says, jolting me from my thoughts.
She’s leading Shadow into the room, her hand resting on his head as he walks at her side. He looks up at her with an expression that says,Fine, I’ll humor you.“Sit there. Good boy, Shadow.”
He sits, looking over at me, almost like he knows what we’re doing.
I thought we said we weren’t about that long-term life?
The message fails to send, almost like he’s lost service. A probably irrational note thrums through me, telling me something’s wrong. Something has happened. I push that thought away. People lose service sometimes.
“Mia?” Lexi says, standing beside Shadow, her hand absentmindedly stroking over his head.
“Let’s get started,” I say, smiling, because I can’t spend the rest of my life miserable. Or in a constant state of expectation, a flight-or-fight panic. Sometimes, I have to take control. There’s no better way than art and creating.
When David’s cry crackles over the baby monitor, Lexi smiles. That’s her first response. I can tell she’s thinking the same thing on some level. She’s created something, too, and it’s quieted her storm alot.
“Shadow will stay,” Lexi says, walking for the door.
“I know he will,” I say, grinning at him.
His eyes gleam as he watches me.
CHAPTER 22
Dante
Ritchie sits across the small table from me. He must know this is nowhere good for him. He was tied up in the trunk as I went around the home. Now, I’ve driven him out to a small, secret storage shed outside the city.
“The nearby river leads right into one of the strongest currents on the East Coast.”
