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“Do you have any questions?” Colt says. “You haven’t said a word since we set off.”
I shake my head. “I’m ready.”
“You don’t know what it is,” he says darkly. “If I was Dante?—”
“What?” I say when he cuts off.
Colt sighs. “If I were him, I would handle this without you. I made the offer once to Lexi, but she couldn’t do it.”
“Lexi and I aren’t the same,” I snap. “What Ralph did was disgusting. Ralph was a bad, bad person, but that man,Tony, he is…” Hell no.Iget to choose now. “Hewasmy dad. He was supposed to take care of me. Instead, he did the opposite, in the sickest way.”
“So you know what this is, then,” Colt says.
“The only thing that makes sense is you’ve got Dad.Tony. You’re bringing me to him.”
Colt nods. “How did you know?”
“From the way you were talking. From the phone call I overheard before we left, and… and that’s it.”
No, that’s not it. The other reason is that when I left my man’s car last night, he had thissuperserious look on his face. He stared at me, his voice low, his eyes gleaming.“I’m going to give you the choice…”
Colt sighs. “Leonardo has given his blessing. It’s either… Well, I’ll let Dante tell you.”
He gets quiet and keeps driving. I stroke my hand over Shadow some more. “You know, Mia, Lexi wanted to do something like this.”
“It’s how you met,” I say.
“I stopped her. Now, she’s glad. She doesn’t need those memories in her head.”
“My head’s already filled with nasty memories.”
“Dante shouldn’t?—”
“Dante is letting mechoose,” I hiss, “because he respects me, and we’re a team. We can’t all be like you and Lexi, okay? Or Luca or Ruby or Elio and Scarlet, okay?”
Colt speaks stiffly. “Nobody is asking you to be, but this is a dark path.”
He’s hit the nail on the head.Dark. Different. My belly hums warmly, almost like there’s life in there, almost like there’s a future. But we’re not going to do that or anything. What, then? What about after?
Suddenly, fear tries to creep over me, like some poisonous, invasive plant species, twisting my thoughts. What if… what if… I won’t latch onto thebadwhat-ifs. I’m done with that way of thinking.
We don’t say anything for the rest of the car ride. It’s almost an hour of quiet, with Shadow resting his head in my lap the whole time. Something almost maternal touches me as I stroke his head. Soon, Colt turns down a bumpy, dirty track. Trees rise tall around us, blocking the sun and putting us in medium shadow.
He drives to the end of the path, then sighs, sitting back. “It’s that way, about thirty feet.” Colt gestures into the trees. “A small metal structure. Dante will be there. We’ll be nearby.”
“We?”
“Me, Shadow, the other Family men, but the choice has to be yours.”
“Wish me luck, boy.”
After giving Shadow another rub on the head, I climb from the car. The air smells faintly of salt water as if a breeze is carrying it from the ocean. I walk through the trees, the ground soft underneath. Then I spot a slit of sunlight glinting against the structure.
My breath feels somehow bigger in my chest like each one is going to choke me, cut off my circulation, mess me up. I focus on my footsteps, on keeping my balance. Can I do this, really?
When I reach the clearing, Dante turns and approaches me. He’s wearing cargo pants and a thick lumberjack-style shirt. For a moment, I just want to paint him like this: rugged and handsome. I forget about the spiky ball of tension in me.
“Mia…” He touches my hand, looking down at me with that same seriousness from last night.
