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“You can’t know,” he says. “Everyone is different.”
“I know, and the thought that she might heal from this and go on to get everything she’s been working for makes me feel like ... why me? Why didn’t I get what I’d been working for too? Why didn’t my body heal enough? I ... I’m a terrible person.” The tears start to fall again.
His smile is soft and warm. “Those are normal thoughts,” he says.
“You think?” I search his face. “I’m not the worst person in the world?”
“You’re one of the best people I know.”
The sincerity in his eyes, the tender way he holds me, how he reaches up and brushes a tear off my face with the pad of his thumb, lights something inside of me. I feel heat course through my body, my face feeling like there’s a fire beneath my skin on the spot that he touched.
I lean my head toward his, just a couple of centimeters, and take in a quick breath when he does the same. We’re so close now, our noses nearly touching, our breaths mingling.
It’s just like that time in the pool, but it’s also not. I wasn’t sure then, but I see the desire behind Graham’s eyes this time. It’s there, like an electric pulse moving between us.
I don’t overthink it. Moving up on my toes, I close the distance, pressing my lips to his for a few seconds. It’s not much, just slightly more than a peck, really. But just the contact makes my heart race and my body soar.
Pulling back, I look at him, his gaze intent on mine; his eyes almost seem like they’ve turned a darker shade of blue somehow, and his breathing seems heavier, his chest moving up and down against mine. For a second, I think he’s going to say something, to break this spell I feel we’re under. I don’t want him to. I want all of Graham. I want him to want me like I want him.
He doesn’t say anything, but I see the decision in his eyes, and suddenly he’s turning us so my back is to the supply shelves, and he pushes me up against them before his lips land on mine.
He’s kissing me. Graham is kissing me.
His mouth is hot against mine, his close-shaved beard causing a delicious tickling sensation as his lips move over mine. His hands move to the sides of my face, and with the nudge of his tongue, I open my mouth, giving him full access. His kisses are heated, a mixture of fast and slow, intense and then delicate.
I give and take as best I can, allowing instinct to take over. I don’t know if I’m doing this right. All other kisses I’ve known have barely qualified as a kiss and definitely not the powerful, earth-shattering kind I’m experiencing right now.
His hands move from my face, down to my back, as he wraps his arms around me, pulling me closely to him, and I moan into his mouth, which makes his kisses turn into something fevered and unyielding.
I don’t know what love is, not the romantic kind, but this feels like it as he tugs on my bottom lip with his teeth, as he kisses a path over to my ear before he makes his way back to my mouth. As he holds me in his arms like I’m something to cherish. Something to treasure. Something to protect.
This feels like everything. All the answers for why my life took the turn it did, all of it leading up to this one moment.
Right here, with Graham.
Lucy
Tuesday, January 30, 12:22 a.m.
From PlainJane2 to GothamGuardian5:
Question for you, Man Mentor. This is for my friend. If something happened between my friend and someone she likes and now she’s worried that things will be awkward, what should my friend do?
PS It’s me. I’m the friend.
From GothamGuardian5 to PlainJane2:
I’d say, to your friend, that she should let it play out. See how the other person reacts. Then figure out what she wants to do next depending on the reaction.
I DON’T KNOW WHAT I was expecting when I woke up this morning after kissing Graham last night.
I feel ... elated. I also feel worried, nervous, anxious, happy, and a dash of indigestion. Although, that could be from the granola bar I snarfed down on the way to the rec center.
Since I’ve never really kissed anyone before—nothing like how I kissed Graham last night in the supply room—I have no idea what to expect next.
We didn’t talk all that much afterward. Because neither of us was keen on getting caught by Evie in the supply room again, Graham left the closet first, and then I waited a bit before exiting after him. Thankfully, I was able to go straight to the bathroom because his facial hair had done quite a number on the skin around my mouth. It wouldn’t take a genius to put two and two together and know what had happened between us. Lucky for me, I always carry a mask in the pocket of my scrubs, so I put that on. No one questioned it.
By the time I made my rounds to see the patients, and made sure Emma was safely in the hands of the orthopedic unit, it was the end of my shift. Before leaving, I knocked on Graham’s door to say goodbye, but he wasn’t there.
