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Costas didn't look at me, but I could see the flickering sheen of tears in his eyes from the fire highlighting them. He had been dwelling in his own emotions out here, but I could only hope he didn't regret doing what he did for me today.
Looking at me finally, the man revealed more on his face than I could ever imagine. My breath halted inside my chest as I formulated how to figure out exactly what it meant. Deep down, I already knew because I had the same look in my eyes for him. When I first met Draven, he made a comment about always protecting the women he loves, but Costas had never expressed such feelings. He sat quietly in the back and did as he was told.
“I never told anyone how I came here in search of my biological father.” His eyes drifted back to the fire to watch what remained of Mario turn to a darkened skeleton now that the flesh had burned off.
“So Mario was your father?” I wondered if I misheard Mario while waking up. If so, I knew I needed to tell Tony I’d been wrong when I slipped that bit of information out in my duress.
Shaking his head, Costas tried to calm himself before speaking again. “I was barely a teenager when I finally figured out Dominic Russi was my father. When I came to find him in hopes my father would want me too, I found a man who only saw how I could help his family. I did everything I possibly could to prove myself to that man, but I learned in a few years that he would never see me as more than what Mario brought me up to be. Antonio has no idea. He'd be hurt more than words can say if he ever found out I was his brother who lived in the servant quarters and was used as his bodyguard.”
“That's horrible,” I whispered back to him. “He should have loved you like his own the second you showed up and he found out.”
A small quirk in his lip turned up before falling fast. “The young and foolish boy I was believed the same thing. I thought my father would want to know who his son was, and I had hoped he didn't know my existence. Slowly, through time, I learned that he paid my mother off to not say a word about her pregnancy, and he wanted her to terminate it. I'm only a few months older than Antonio, so he was a married man when he conceived me. I thought my father would want to know his son, but then I found what I didn't want to when Mario showed me.”
“Why would Mario show you?” I hated that for him because this man did not deserve the hardships his life had made him suffer. Tony and Draven treated him like an equal and friend, but I could tell Costas’s upbringing damaged him deeper than anything fixable right now.
“After I had sworn allegiance and been trained to be a guard, Mario thought it was best to truly put my loyalty to the test. Could I still be their favorite killing machine, their monster, after I found out that their falsities had only been a way to maneuver me into their beneficial aspects? Of course, I knew if I didn't swear my allegiance, they would kill me and my mother. Plus, by this point, I had grown a friendship with Tony. So, I let them believe I was their puppet.”
Finally understanding where this was taking a turn to, I understood his allegiance had never been with Mario. “You saved me because your allegiance is with Tony.”
A small laugh escaped his mouth as he shook his head and looked at the stars. The smoky haze of the fire blurred a few of them, but some twinkles still glittered through. “Maybe in the beginning, Sunshine, but not anymore. I'm learning I want to be just as selfish as everyone else.”
Turning toward me, I saw darkness take over his expression as his eyes flickered against my body. He looked at me the same way the other two did, and I was finally understanding the expression he gave me earlier had been what I thought it was. A softness took over my shoulders as I comprehended his reasoning.
His body shifted back to look at the burning man who only remained in blackened bone. “But I still have to agree with him. Whether I like it or not or the things he did to help trap me, this man taught me how to be by myself, one living in the life of their cruelty. I hate him, but…”
“You also love him,” I finished.
“It's confusing to feel this mix of sadness yet relief, and it feels like it's pent up within me. It's like a burning that festers below my skin, and it calls me to be savage. I want nothing more than to ruin something and scream, but I can't.”
“But what if you can?” My mind had already been made up when it came to Costas and everything that he had done for me. I didn't know how the other guys would accept me wanting to be with him, but I knew I couldn't be without him. With Tony giving me permission, I had to take their okay to begin something now. The man had to do the hard things for me so nobody else would have to because he wanted me to keep my innocence with theirs. He wanted me to be untainted by this world even though that was impossible now that I fell so deep within it. I’d been touched in a nonconsenting way, provoked to never heal right again.
“What do you mean?”
Instead of using words, I let my body speak for itself. I dropped the fur blanket to the ground. Still only in my nightie, he could see the few remnants of the blood that remained. Lifting my thin gown over my head, I stood before him completely bare. My body was on full display, and I loved watching how his eyes raked over me like he could barely contain his animal.
“Use me. Undo his touch against me,” I finally whispered back to him. Before I could take another breath, his hands were around my hips, lifting me around him as he began storming to the nearest tree.
Ramming my back against it, I felt the bark scrape every inch of exposed skin between my shoulders and tailbone. A small hiss left my mouth, and I learned that's exactly what he wanted. Costas was testing me to see if I could handle what he needed to do to me. Nodding my head, I let him know I was more than okay to take his pain. By taking his, it would dim my own.
“Feed me your pain, Costas. Let me take every ounce away from you,” I breathed before his lips crashed into mine.
seventy-six
Costas
Her words did something to me I couldn't describe. Deep within my nature as a demolisher, I craved destroying someone under my touch. My bloodlust would never stop at just killing evil men with my bare hands, and Millie understood that. Somehow, our version of sunshine whose innocence bled into us, understood my yearnings. My depraved thoughts came forward as my hand fisted into her hair. Her beautiful breasts were heaving as she channeled all her focus into breathing steadily after I kissed her so forcefully. If only she knew I planned to undo all of that. I wanted her to unravel beautifully before me, so I made it my goal. This woman could feel the hardness against her core, but I refused to pull my cock out until I ravaged her into her own bliss first.
Because of how I had her balanced against the tree with my own legs and hers wrapped around me, I took my other hand and clamped it around her slim throat. Squeezing, I cut off her air completely but only for a few seconds. My hand edged to keep squeezing, but it wasn't against her. I knew better than to destroy her completely because I would need her again. My heart would never be able to live with myself if I took it too far, so while I let my beast rampage forward, a leash remained to shackle my blind rage back.
“You think you can handle someone like me? You think you can love every broken bit of me even though it's only fragments that remain?” I nearly snarled at her. My scars were one thing to see, but no one had access to my mind of tortured memories.
“I think those fragments have turned into a different type of artwork, and you're missing the beauty in them.” Her voice was small because of how I cut off her air, but her words stopped me in my tracks. Millie had only known the broken version of me, and she still saw something worth loving.
“Beauty?” I scoffed. Letting go of her, I use both my hands to rip my shirt over my head. I let her see all the marring against my skin that befell me because Dominic and Mario believed I needed to be tough.
Her gasp made me know she hadn't been prepared to see it again. Most women I laid with hurried to turn their eyes away from my body because it bothered them to see a scarred man. They already hated my face, so I rarely took off my shirt, but Millie would see it all. I needed her to give me a different response than the others during this intimate session. Some scars came from burns and others were from a whip, but the end result remained. My body had been disfigured to learn how to be strong because that was the only way they knew how to teach a boy.
“They told me every strike against my skin would only build a stronger man. They hurt me constantly to ensure I could endure the worst pain of all, and you call this beautiful?”
