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“Oh, I’m in love.” She placed her hands over her heart. “Go, and please talk to that man then come back and tell me all about it.”
Her door chimed from someone else coming in. She greeted them as I took my book. “Thank you.”
When I turned to leave, she grabbed my arm to say one last thing. “If Tim’s not holding up his end to get better or loving you the way you need, it’s okay to leave, Mills. You’re right that you stay and fight, but there’s also a time to realize it’s often one-sided.”
Hitting me in the gut, her words drove me to do something I never thought I would. I drove to the prison to visit Draven instead of going home. From book club ending early, I still had my whole evening open now. Luckily, I had a spare brush in my car from when I run right before work because Astrid’s astute observation of me had been too accurate.
eleven
Draven
“Come on, let’s go.” The night guard clanked his baton against the cool metal of my cell, jarring me from my endless thoughts. Tonight, I didn’t have the man who about pissed himself and used a rifle to move me because now the night shift had started.
“Go?” I sat up in a confused state. Nothing should be happening tonight for me to come out of my locked cubicle, and I already saw Tony with Costas.
“You have a visitor.” Nodding his head, he told me to get off my bed. Part of me wondered if my lawyer needed more information for my case because I knew my father wouldn’t show his face here. The man still hadn’t forgiven me for gaining the upper hand on him.
After being placed in my cuffs, the guard latched a longer chain to my ankles with shackles there too. Huh, this was new. I hadn’t been this tied down since I did see my lawyer last time for an actual sit down where no glass separated us. Now my mind raced with what problems came up to force him to come back here. A panic settled into the crevice along my spine, running its way down to create a chilling apprehension. I knew my freedom would be a longshot legally, but I had hoped for something good.
Resigning to the idea that bad news would be finding me, I found something I never expected when the guard opened the door. Sitting across from me on the other side of the table, my eyes ravaged over a slender female with a kind smile. Her hair still had the fluorescent glow that created a ring on the top of her blonde head.
“Sunshine,” I breathed in relief. Being guided to the table, the guard locked me to it after I took my seat in order to protect her. While he had nothing to fear when it came to me being near her, I appreciated her safety with anyone else she visited.
“Hi.” She waved awkwardly before fidgeting in her chair. “I hope this isn’t too weird that I came.”
“No!” I rushed before clearing my throat. Trying not to come off as a pubescent boy who saw tits for the first time, I needed to center myself. “No, I’m glad you did. I was worried you’d be my lawyer with bad news.”
Lifting my hands, she caught onto the chaining change in my holdings. Biting back a smile, she dipped her chin. “I guess I should’ve mentioned being the prison’s psychiatrist’s daughter has its perks. I meet with a few prisoners, and I’m allotted a room as long as a guard has time to accompany me. I usually schedule visits to notify them, but tonight felt too right to pass up.”
“Do you do this often?” I couldn’t help but ask because I felt less special with the thought of having to share her time.
“I used to, but my own career took priority in recent months. You’re the first I’ve seen in person for a one-on-one since then.”
“Then I’m honored you made the time for me.” I couldn’t stop studying her beauty. Millie looked so natural, so innocent, she’d never blend in with the women of my world. Maybe that’s what I liked most about her. She reminded me of all the escapes my mother spoke to me of.
“Thanks for sitting down for a conversation. You’re already ahead of half I see.” She fidgeted just a little.
“Well, I did tell you to see me if you wanted to talk, and I am a man of my word.” Shrugging, her infectious personality had my smile refusing to leave my face. No woman had ever done this to me before, but Tony had. That’s how I knew this woman led to an unmarked path for both of us. Shaking out of my lustful stupor, I righted myself. “You said tonight felt too right to pass up. Is everything okay?”
“Oh, yes!” She waved her hands out too fast for me to fully believe it. When I gave her a stern stare, she slouched into her chair more. “It didn’t start out okay, but my friend made it better.”
“What happened?”
“I had my book club earlier today and told them of my reading group and hopes for the people who attend. They all mocked me that I believe criminal men could try to be better than the situations they were placed in, so I went to pick up my newest read for the club at my friend’s local bookstore. She told me to keep believing and to have conversations that mean something again, so I came to see you. I’ve been rather fond of the few short ones we’ve had.”
My stomach swirled with butterflies at her admission, but I kept a straight face. A reputation in my world was all a man could rule with, so I couldn’t be a teenage twat filled with excitement. “They’ve been short but meaningful. I’ve enjoyed them too, but what did you mean having conversations that mean something again?”
“Oh,” she let out a nervous laugh, pondering how she could look less lonely. If she only knew my soul hankered for hers in the same sense of belonging. “I’m sorry. I keep trying to come up with a less ridiculous way to appear less hopeless than I am, but the only way to describe it is that I’ve been living in survival mode. I’ve left no room for depth and meaning to be found because I’m too driven to just simply make it through my exhausting day. It wasn’t until that first day with you that I realized a spark had been missing, and Astrid pointed it out when I was in her store.”
“You don’t sound pathetic, Sunshine.” Everything itched inside of me to reach for her hands across the table, but I knew better, tapping my foot instead for the release of energy. “You sound like a woman who’s finally waking up to live again.”
Serene, she sat back and thought over my words, enjoying them, hungering for more of what I might feed her lonely soul. An understanding passed over her brown eyes like she thirsted for more, begging me to tell her she was worthwhile. I returned it because her company did the same for me, and I knew she could see it.
“Maybe you did wake me up, Draven.” So soft, I could barely hear her sweet whisper. Clearing her throat, she sat back up in her chair. “And you? Have you felt alive in here?”
“Men like me check our feelings at the door so others can’t exploit them as a weakness,” I quipped, seeing her feel a little smaller. “But if you can keep a secret, my conversations with you have rekindled the flame within my soul, a yearning for someone to understand me too. Only one other person has done that, but he can’t come see me as easily as you.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize you were gay!” A shameful blushing stained her cheeks.
