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“Now what were your friends saying about criminals being unredeemable?”
“First, we’re only a book club. None of us talk outside of it, but it’s nice to find locals who enjoy dark romance too.” Still flustered, her mind took a minute to piece her words together. “After I told them about my reading group and programs my father runs to help prisoners, they laughed and said it was pointless. Men who grew up like you will never choose to change their ways. I didn’t like hearing that because I firmly believe anyone can be more than their past. Am I wrong for that?”
Mulling it over, I turned my head from side-to-side, using this excuse to hide my raging hard-on. “I think if the men could choose a better life, they would, but most of us can’t. Running from our criminal lives would only get us killed. Now, if they have no ties to their former life, I’d say they’d want a better one and would change.”
“You wouldn’t?” Her brows pulled together.
“Couldn’t, Sunshine. There’s a big difference. Without me being in the position of power I am, many would be killed without my protection. Do I wish my cards were stacked differently? Of course. We all do.”
She sank lower, hating the truth in my response. I couldn’t stand being the reason behind her sorrow. I never wanted to see the woman frown again.
“But even though I know my place, it doesn’t change that seeing you gives me glimpses of hope for something else. You’re like a mirage in the desert, a fantasy men like me thirst for. Your kindness does reach through our hard exteriors, and I can promise we’ll always remember the woman who made our suffering a little easier.”
Her wondering eyes pierced into mine with more of her innocent hope. A small smile lifted the drooping corners of her mouth. “Thank you for that.”
“My pleasure,” I rumbled lowly. A new stain of red found her cheeks because her attraction to me couldn’t hide. “Now, tell me about this book you’re reading.”
“Oh, um, we just picked up a new one. We’ll read five chapters a week and talk about them in our group.” Digging through her bag, I realized she got that in without it being confiscated. She really did have special rules. Lifting Tethered Apart out, she set it before us. “This one doesn’t have her falling in love with her captors, so it’ll be a new side to dark romance for me.”
“Looks intriguing,” I offered.
“Do you read romance?” she asked.
“I read anything that can change the current scenery.” Winking and swirling my finger, I made her laugh. “And I have read a few just to see how they compare to the true world I grew up in.”
“Would you want to read this one?” She held it up. “I could come the day before my book club and we could talk about it, if you’d like?”
Ah, she was trying to set up a reason to come see me again. Oh, the sweetness of this moment. “I’d yearn for nothing more.”
Her hand lifted to give it to me, but she jerked it back and turned toward the guard. “I’m so sorry, Ralph. Would you like to come inspect it first?”
“It’s you, Millie. I’m not worried.” Shrugging her off, he went back to his phone.
And just like that, the woman handed me a distraction, and she gave me a small glimpse to a plan.
twelve
Millie
Maybe it had been a bad idea to visit Draven, but my soul felt fed for the first time in a long time. Like a craving finally sated after a famine within. Kasey often held me over with her conversations, but this one felt different. I also experienced a demoralizing guilt because of the difference.
A random feeling like someone watched me, I slowly turned my head over my shoulder to alleviate the sensation. In the darkness around my apartment, I only found a few tenants talking near their doors and smoking. Giving them a kind smile, I found one had been watching me as I walked to the stairs. I never felt fully safe in this neck of the woods, but it happened to be the only place I could afford.
Going up the rickety stairs never helped my panic either because one of these days, someone would fall through them. The wood had too much moisture within it to be stable. Allowing my mind to focus on anything other than the insecure complex, I found myself back to where I went tonight. Tim would be worried because I didn’t tell him I planned to go somewhere else after book club, and I needed to prepare for his anger because I met another man.
Turning the knob, I braced for impact. Hearing the welcoming meows from my kitty, Whiskers closed his one eye as he looped through my legs. At least my arms weren’t full of groceries this time to see him better. Bending to pick him up, I let his purring head rub against my jawline as he nuzzled into me. His love always made me feel a little whole even though I knew he wanted me to feed him too.
“Sorry I’m late,” I started when I turned to Tim on the couch. His eyes were glued to his machine.
“Are you late?” he questioned before looking at his Apple watch like he didn’t think much time had passed. “Looks like you’re just in time to start making dinner.”
With that, he went back to the television like my existence was a mere blimp on his timeline. Nodding my head, I snuggled into Whiskers more, needing every ounce of affection he could offer me. “Dinner… right.”
Aimlessly, all the vibrating thrill of earlier dissipated as I meandered toward the miniscule kitchen. After boiling some chicken with onion and celery yesterday, I had the right amount of natural stock left to make a soup with. We also had just enough chicken to make it work for Tim not to complain about it being a vegetarian dish. Though, he would complain with everything else going in besides the noodles.
Setting Whiskers down, I got his food ready before washing my hands to prepare dinner. It felt like a cycle, one my body carried me through without much thought. I’d shut off all the thinking inside my head because sadness tinged the edge of every thought. Dicing the veggies, my hand worked in the memorized patterns my father taught me as I curled my nails toward the blade to protect my fingertips.
When I walked my potatoes and carrots to the pot, I noticed a 44oz drink on the counter. Already gone, the drink hadn’t been placed in the trash can that stood a few more feet away. “Did you buy a soda today?”
