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Before we could venture further into our growing affection, I heard the slight meowing of a hungry kitty. The dryness in the voice told me that it wasn't well, and my heart dropped instantly. Whiskers became mine because I knew I could love a perfectly good kitty that didn't fit the adorable mold most looked for in a pet.
"Did you hear that?" Swiveling my head from side to side, I tried to make out where it came from. Both men shook their heads, but their ears perked up, believing a threat lurked nearby. Another very faint cry found me, and I heard its direction, going left instead of right at the fork of the alley that would take us back to where we parked.
Letting go of their holds, they finally heard it that time too, understanding no real trouble kept us aloof. Following the wall of the building with small balconies on each level, I saw a woman beating a rug over my head. She pounded out the dirt and grime from the long day and didn't care who walked below her. I envied her in that moment, uncaring who she pleased as she did what needed done. Instead of thinking about it more, I didn't want to come to terms with the harder decisions being placed within my heart right now. Not after how wonderful today had been.
Finally finding what made the sound, I found three little kittens. They were looking worse for wear, abandoned and scraggly in a broken box. Gasping, I fell to my hands and knees to touch each of them in their shades of orange and white. One couldn't even stand from being so weak as his eyes were boogered shut. My hear broke as I collected the damp and fraying box in my arms with tears in my eyes. Standing up, I balanced the box with one hand as my other kept stroking their malnourished backs. The two who could move, kept seeking the comfort of my hand, trying to latch onto the tips of my fingers like I could feed them.
Turning to face the guys with tears in my eyes, they knew I couldn't leave the kitties. Tony nodded his head toward the other direction where we parked. "Come on, let's get them home."
Draven stepped toward me and offered to take the box. Allowing him to do it, I took the runt who couldn’t move and nestled him against my chest, crying over their disheveled state. My lips kept pressing gentle kisses to its head as we went back to the car.
***
Trying to get the runt to eat, he didn't have the drive like his siblings. Whiskers kept getting near the babies in curiosity, wondering what we brought home. I let him sniff the littles because I knew my bigger baby would approach them kindly. As he did so, I kept trying to get the tip of the feeding bottle into the runt's mouth. Costas made a quick run to the local vet after a late phone call because they could see how serious I was about this.
Now, I held a kitten and didn't know if my love would be enough to save it. His breathing felt forced as he panted like he'd choke if he attempted to eat. Rubbing the tip against his lips, I tried to support his neck in a way that would allow easier flow. The vet couldn't come, so it wasn't like I had an experienced person on-hand. Trying to do what my instincts said, I kept working on him without lifting him from my lap. It said being held can make them more tired, so I tried to let him recoup.
My eyes kept scanning over his meek form, wondering what could be done. My worried eyes swept upward, seeing how Draven watched me. His eyes were sympathetic, surrendering to whatever he read on his phone because he'd been the one texting the veterinarian. His hand fell on my shoulder in comfort as I sat on the couch in my room. He and Tony joined me with Costas prepping the medical supplies on my desk to distribute to the kitties.
He'd been working hard as the other two helped me administer the food and vitamins to the two that would take, but this one wouldn't. He kept almost wheezing as Draven placed the phone to record the kitty to send it to the doctor. He only did twenty seconds, but my heart already knew the answer before he even sent it.
Lifting the kitty, I let him nestle against my chest, refusing what news might come. Weeping harder over the little creature with clumpy fur, I just tried to soothe whatever ache settled within him. The struggle he faced broke me more than anything else ever had, outside of the children I worked with in support groups and losing my mother. His hurt bled into me, and I could barely breathe.
Some might believe leaving an animal for dead was nature's way to cull the weak, but my heart could never be so cold. I'd do everything in my power to make this little guy live for him to know what kindness was after the cruelty he'd lived in so far. Draven let his mourning eyes blink slowly at me after gaining word back from the doctor. Shaking his head, he knew I'd struggle with the next part more than anything.
Once my cry made more sound, I let the mourning rake through me. The convulsing of my soul longed for someone to turn back time, so I could find this creature sooner than I did. I yearned for a different answer to find me even though my soul knew what the outcome would be.
A gentle hand settled over my knee causing me to open my blurry eyes. I could tell it was Costas. He let me see this result didn't bring him joy, but he knew what had to be done. "He's felt your love and will pass with his last touch being your love."
"I can't give up on him," I pleaded, shaking my head.
Tony came to my left side, opposite of Draven. "Don't let him keep suffering. Let him find peace outside of the pain, Emilia."
His words were true. I was delaying the inevitable, causing more harm than good. Nodding my head, I finally handed over the precious creature to the man who had the capability to do what had to be done as I dove to nestle myself into Draven's side. I thought our date would lead to another bedroom adventure, but it would be ending with a loss I didn't want to come to terms with. Costas left the room, taking the kitten with him, and I had to put my trust in him that it would be quick and painless.
fifty-five
Costas
Draven asked me with his eyes to do the hard part, and my heart sank with the knowledge Millie’s heart shattered more by the minute because of it. She tried so hard to save the litter and kept feeding the kittens on a timely schedule to nurse them back to health. Coming back into the living room after completing my task, I found her cradled against Tony’s chest. My brother looked like a deer in the headlights, unsure how to console a woman because he’d never done this hard part before.
If this had happened with any other woman, he’d have tossed her from his lap, but Sunshine didn’t compare. She brightened our darkest days, just as Draven had promised when he told my brother of her. Though, a rain cloud filtered over her brilliance, causing water to spill. Her tears were streaming too many at a time to keep them wiped, so my brother just nestled her against his chest. Her legs were curled across his lap because her tiny frame fit so well against all of us.
It’d never be a secret they caught feelings and planned to share her, but they didn’t know my own heart had been tossed in the ring since her arrival. Now, I had to turn my back to the two men who coddled her across from me. A single tear slipped from my eye as I excused myself from the room I had just entered. I didn’t know when they left her room, but I knew to give them space. Millie had the two she needed to help mend her hurt. As the hired hand for both families, I was the most lost out of us. My track record showed the kills I tallied in the name of vengeance and power. She needed the softer ones, even if Draven had killed a man, his reasoning was just.
My own were for the paycheck because this was the life I had been bred into. My father saw me as the bastard to run his errands as Tony turned into his prodigal son with the woman who created a larger kingdom for him. The only way my father noticed me came from cleaning up the messes and handling the unsettling business no one else enjoyed. Killing became my only purpose… until Millie reminded me some light remained. Sadly, I was the ship lost to the darkness, always ready to sink for the other boats to reach the harbor.
A woman like her needed compassion and love like most could give naturally. The selfish part of me wanted to capture her light for myself, yearning for her to deem me worthy. I longed for acceptance, and for the first time, I realized it wasn’t my father’s I sought. I wanted the light to find me and make me feel a little less lost to the void my numb feelings kept me in.
Finding my way to the kitchen, I poured a whiskey into my tumbler out of habit. When I raised my old friend to my lips, his subtle burn reminded me he offered true sanctuary like Millie’s friendship. She looked at me like I didn’t stand as the monster my father created in his likeness. Pulling the glass of alcohol away, I thought about how this never fixed my damage, sinking me deeper into the numbness I survived in.
A hatred began to fester within me, glaring down the amber liquid as though it had been poisoning me just as much as my father. In fact, the rat bastard gave me my first drink after I completed my first kill for him. I had only been a boy, barely fourteen. He told me I had to earn my place in his life after I found him a year before. I thought I would be walking into a pair of loving arms from how I dreamt of my dad, but my younger self found the monster from underneath his bed.
At first, I wanted to gain his praise, so I did small favors. Running secret messages around town, I felt like a spy. When I realized the error in my thoughts, I had been roped into the deadly end of it all. He texted me and told me to meet him at an address, so I rode my bike to it, thinking he wanted to bond. Up until this point, he had been dismissive of my presence, so I wanted him to see me as an equal to the brother who was just a few months younger than me. Antonio got the warmth I chased after, but our father never let me have it.
In that warehouse, I found a man beaten to a near inch of his life. Being handed a gun, his gloved hands never dirtied to keep his name clean. He told me this was how I had to prove my loyalty to him and the families. If I wanted a place in their life, I had to earn it. Walking to his town car, he drove away before I could commit, offering me an escape from this life. But even though I was young, I knew there’d never be escaping his wrath for not finishing what I had been told to.
The man woke up as my shaky hand kept refusing to pull the trigger. I cried, using both hands to hold up the loaded gun. Its heaviness didn’t come naturally because my body wanted to reject what it meant. Hearing his wails to live, I cried before my mind silenced into nothing. That’s when I committed. Right after I saw the bullet pierce his face, I fell to my knees in grief. The first round of numbness didn’t last like it could now.
