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"She is not mine," I responded. Though, the hollowness inside of me slithered through the cracks in my face for my mother to know I wished otherwise.
"Come, sit with me and tell me all about it." Dragging me to the chair across from hers, my ma wouldn't let me think about leaving this perfect moment. I wouldn't anyway. Millie proved my words true when I told her she gifted things money could never buy because she paid attention.
Sitting across from her, my eyes wouldn't stop sweeping over her beauty to see if she still existed after every blink my eyes did. Unable to speak, a coffee and a pastry were placed in front of me by Millie. She did the same for my mother, giving her kindness freely once again. Turning her attention to me, she pointed to a vacant table within my view. "I'm going to spend time with my other best friend right there where you can see me. You just let me know when you're ready. And don't think about ending it too soon for me because we both know I can read for hours without remembering the world exists."
With one last squeeze to my arm, Millie went to the location she promised for me to keep track of her. Opening her book, I noticed she dropped off her food items before bringing us ours, sipping on her own drink and nibbling on the croissant she purchased. Diving right into the pages, she knew this moment would already be hard enough on me, so she gave me my space to take it in.
"Love is in your eyes, son." Reaching for my hand across the table, my mother gave me a knowing smirk.
"She is Tony's girlfriend, Ma. I cannot cross that line." Glancing back toward the woman who made this all possible, I had to live my truth. "Even if my heart wants nothing more."
With the truth out, my mother knew how to redirect the conversation. "Tony? So does he know? Does he know who you are?"
Shaking my head, I kept it down. "His mother threatens too many things for that to ever be spoken."
A sadness swept over her lovely face, knowing I didn't find the father I dreamt of. "My only regret was him being your father, Costas. Not a day goes by that I regret having you as my son, my boy."
"Even with my absence?"
"My heart only grew fonder." Touching her heart, I knew she meant every word. Blinking back the tears in my eyes, I couldn't believe this was happening. The risks of it didn't filter in because the shock of it all struck me stupid. Millie struck me stupid because she could read me in a way only the woman across from me did. "Though, I want to see more of you. And before you say no for my protection, I don't care. I need my son."
And I needed my ma...
***
After saying our goodbyes, Millie and I headed back to the compound several hours later than I initially planned. The sun began to set over the water, hearing the moon begin to control her tide as the waves crashed against some rocks in the distance. Millie didn't speak the whole drive home, knowing I needed to process today and seeing the woman I first loved again.
When I parked the car in the driveway, she lifted the corner of her mouth and dipped her chin, seeing I struggled to find the proper words to thank her. My imagination filled in a few gaps, but my mother explained everything to me when it came to her new life and losing her partner. She let me know that they planned for his death, so she had time to grieve with his love still warm in his chest. I hated that for her, but I knew the heaviness of having love ripped away all too well.
Opening the door for her to the main house, we entered the square where the second level had wrought iron edging it to protect other people from falling over it. Some had leaves growing down the railings and columns below because Tony's Nonnie wanted it that way. The beauty of the simple greenery against the cold tiles and metals made me often think of my mother and now the woman standing at my side.
"Thank you," I finally breathed out once inside.
She turned my way with affection in her stare that I'd never understand. No one but her and my mother looked at me like I stood as more than my scars in the female department. Millie made me feel like she could see my soul instead of my ugly scars. It made me uncomfortable in my own skin, but I also never wanted her to stop because it made my heart lurch into my throat in eagerness for more. More of her loving looks, more of her understanding, more of her compassion, more of her time...
"I think I needed today more than you did," she murmured. "Seeing you with her again made the world feel whole, and I needed to witness such love for myself to see it existed in others outside of myself."
"When we first met, I thought you had to be faking how much you cared on some level, but you haven't stopped even after being given things other girls pretend for. You actually do care, and I appreciate it."
My thoughts wanted to express more openly just how much I appreciated it, but Millie would never be mine to have that way. Even though I wanted her, she belonged to someone I loved on a deeper level than that of a female companion. Tony was my half-brother without knowing it, so my bond to him would always come first.
"Same to you, Costas. You just need to let others see how miraculous you are by opening up a little more." Kissing my cheek, Millie left me in the entry to head up to her lavish quarters. My hand slipped to touch the place her warm lips pressed against my skin, feeling the burn just like last time in the cellar. My heart hammered in my chest, knowing she owned my soul in secret. Like a lovesick puppy, I'd fallen for the wrong woman.
"Her surprise must've been good," a deep voice startled me, reminding me I'd let my guard down. Rushing to remove my hand, I whipped around toward the entrance of the dining room to see Tony drinking a scotch on the rocks.
Clearing my throat, I nodded my head before speaking. "She gave me something I never expected."
My eyes couldn't help but linger to where she disappeared, missing her presence already. She made the world feel righted within my soul too. Tony picked up on what I'd been denying myself, stepping closer to stand beside me. "She has this uncanny ability to knock you right off your feet to fall head over heels in love with her."
"I am no threat," I swore, worried he'd be angry.
"Costas, you are like family to me, and you've never shown me anything other than respect. I have no doubt you'd stay away from the realest version of love we've ever known to prove yourself, but I won't ask that of you." His eyes had this tenderness in them I hadn't expected to see when it came to us discussing my emotions for his girlfriend.
"What does that mean?" The rhythm of my beating heart kept doing this jumping thing every few beats, waiting on bated breath for him to finish his words.
"Sharing Emilia with you feels just as natural as it does with Draven. Clearly, our relationship would stay platonic, but you deserve to embrace her love too. One of the reasons Draven and I felt so attracted to her was because we knew she'd have the capability to love us both. We just didn't know her heart could open for another too, but I'd bet my money that woman holds you closer to her soul than she feels she's allowed to lead on."
"How would this even work?" I shook my head that we were even discussing this.
