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CASSIE
“Haveyou talked to Dalton at all since he arrived?”
I wedge the phone between my shoulder and left ear and dip the angled applicator in a deep purple shade. Nicole’s question plays through my mind as I apply eyeshadow. How do I answer without sounding whiny and pathetic? It’s only been two days, but my dad has ensured we haven’t had any downtime. We haven’t had a second alone to talk between Dalton’s baseball practice and my meetings for the church’s upcoming rummage sale. I’m desperate to speak to him. “Not yet.”
“Why not?”
“We haven’t been able to connect. He’s going as I’m coming. And when we are home at the same time, Dad’s around.”Except for now.The hospital called a few minutes ago. They admitted one of our elderly parishioners. The request for a preacher doesn’t bode well for poor Mr. Barley. Although there isn’t much my father can do other than offer support. He can pray to God all day long, but that won’t help Mr. Barley’s overall condition. I know firsthand how praying only gets you so far.
“I take it he doesn’t know about CC?”
My chest constricts. I need to warn Dalton about Bobby, but I’m running out of time. Bobby’s due here in two hours. It’s just I’m not sure how Dalton will take it. Part of me fears he won’t care, and the thought of that kills me. From the tortured look on his face, I’d say he hates but still wants me. Maybe he hates that he still wants me. Lord knows I want him. Dalton will always be that guy, no matter how bad an idea or how off-limits he is. You know, the type that makes your flesh tingle and body throb in that delicious, sinful way.
He’ll always be the one I want.
The one I love.
But I can’t have him.
People will say he’s not good enough for me, but it’s the opposite. I’m not good enough for him. All I can offer is an abrupt ending to a career that he desperately needs. I’ve witnessed firsthand why he wants to make it and not end up back in Bellow Bay. And I can’t blame him.
“Not yet, but I will as soon as we hang up. Dad got called to the hospital right before you called. This is the first time we have the house to ourselves.” I cut the darker shade along the outer corner of the crease to define my eyes. The look is more daring than I usually sport. I never wore much makeup until I started rooming with Nicole. The change wasn’t Daddy-approved.
“How are you going to bring it up? Oh, by the way, I have a boyfriend who everyone thinks is serious but me.”
I cringe. Bobby is like the son Dad never had. He adores him. And what’s not to love? At least on the surface. Bobby is working toward his theology degree—a path Dad wholeheartedly supports—and spent the last four months serving the Lord as a missionary in Peru. Yep, Bobby’s a pure golden boy.
A freaking saint.
He’d be a catch for any girl, except he’s not the one currently causing butterflies in my stomach.
“I wouldn’t jump to serious.” I place the phone down and switch it to the speaker before dipping the brush into the eyeshadow again. It’s impossible to apply makeup while talking on the phone.
“Come on, Cassie. Everyone thinks you’re practically engaged. The only thing missing is the ring.”
“And my willingness,” I say dryly. My stomach knots, naturally revolting at the idea of marriage—not marriage in general but to Bobby. I take the blending brush and work my eyes to perfection.
“I know that’s not what you want, but are you going to do anything about it?” There’s a challenge in Nicole’s question. And I pause, toying with my answer.
Bobby and I have been friends ever since we could walk. His parents joined the congregation back when Dad took over as the preacher. Bobby could be my ticket out of here. The easier choice. We’ve talked . . . No,hehas talked about serving our Lord, Jesus Christ through missionary work. Spreading Christianity is something he’s passionate about. I remember sitting beside him while staring at the night sky the evening before he left for Peru.
“Cassie, think about it,” Bobby said. His gaze held hope as he stared into the darkness. “Before too long, we’ll be going together. With your nursing skills and my ability to preach, we’ll be an unstoppable force, spreading Jesus’s word.” He gave me a side hug. “We’ll finally be able to live our fairytale.”
I forced a smile and died a little bit more inside.
Missionary work isn’t my dream. It’s his.
Sure, leaving this area and escaping the memories haunting me sounds appealing, but my passion for spreading the Word died ten months back when the Word failed me.
I blink a few times, forcing myself back to the present and back to Nicole’s question of what I will do about it.
My gaze flicks to the sound outside my bedroom door, and those butterflies spring to life.
“I already told you I plan to break up with him.” I need to figure out the timing, that’s all.
She lets out a long, winded breath. “I think you want to but are waffling on the how.”
I should’ve known she’d call me out. She’s the only one who truly knows me. I reach up to my neck only to remember my cross pendant no longer resides there. It’s yet another reminder that Nicole may know me, but I haven’t fully confided in her either.
