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Before Saff could finish, Maddie spun around, moving as fast as she could to the stairs. Her hand slammed into the wall as she felt for the railing, rushing up and out as quickly as she’d come.
***
She’d never been one to feel lonely. But sitting alone on the front steps of the house that Saff was locked up in, she suddenly felt a crushing loneliness.
She regretted telling her mother to go on without her, that she needed time alone.
Because now, she felt much too alone.
Saff was a raider—akiller.
Every word she’d hurled at her rehashed in her mind.
She’d lied to her.
Every single day they’d spent together, she’d lied to her. Everything about her past, what she’d done since the outbreak, had been a lie.
She heard the heavy crunch of footsteps approaching, pulling her from her thoughts as someone cleared their throat.
“Hey Mads,” Josh said, his voice unusually soft and gentle. “It’s me and Nadia.”
She nodded slightly. “Hey.”
“You okay?” he asked as his footsteps stopped near her left side.
Was she? No. But saying that would probably mean having to add an explanation of why. And that was something she wasn’t ready to do.
“Fine,” she muttered.
Fine.
How could one simple, overused word remind her of a person? A person who’dliedto her.
Maybe that’s why Saff always said it. Maybe she was too exhausted to deal with the consequences of saying that she wasn’t fine.
Maddie bit her cheek, turning to the side, away from where Josh was. She’d taken off her sunglasses when the sun went down, and the last thing she wanted was for him or Nadia to see tears in her eyes.
Someone else, slightly farther away, cleared their throat.
“My mom’s house is right here next to this one,” Nadia said. Maddie could hear the scratchiness in her voice, along with the exhaustion. She wondered how close she’d been to Sarah. “She keeps a bottle of whiskey hidden in the closet.” Nadia let out alight, dry laugh. “I could definitely use a drink after today. You guys want one?”
She didn’t. Not really. But that sounded a lot better than sitting on the steps for the rest of the night, replaying what Saff had told her.
“Yeah. Sure.”
Chapter twenty-nine
Saff stared at the patterns of rust lining the metal bars in front of her.
It could’ve been five minutes since Maddie left. Or it could’ve been five hours. She couldn’t tell anymore.
She shut her eyes, desperately forcing the image of Maddie’s hurt face from her mind. It was even worse than the images of Sarah or her baby. And then, thinking of Maddie brought other memories with it.
Like the previous night.
No.
She forced that one from her head as if her life depended on it. She couldn’t think about that.
