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I smiled and patted her back.
"And leave you alone in a house you don't know, with a nine month old baby and no memory? I know you want to get rid of me, love, but I plan to stay around for a while. Plus, we need to take care of you. You promised me a consult remember?"
"Sure, but I just want you to know I feel fine. Nothing hurts."
"It doesn't always work like that. I just want to have a quick look at that beautiful, disturbed brain of yours."
She nodded and nestled under my arm, her eyes falling heavy.
"No, sleeping beauty, no more napping. I'll go into the bathroom and fix a bath for you. I was thinking we could do breakfast on the outside patio of the hotel; it's covered and very well heated, but I can call for room service if you want."
"Outside patio sounds great. Umm, do I have anything to wear, or are there only sexy dresses in that big bag of expensive clothes you brought?"
I wished. The way the dress had hugged her body in the dim light of the restaurant would haunt me for days.
"Jeans and a cotton t-shirt, you will look as beautiful as you did last night." She blushed, and I kissed her rosied cheek then got up and headed to the bathroom.
While brushing my teeth, I peeped through the door and saw her tangled in the sheet, asleep again. So adorable. For a second, I thought about giving her some extra hours of sleep. God knew Chelsea would keep us both up a lot.
For the first time since she was born, the thought of my baby girl sent a cold shiver down my spine. Was I really going to make this woman raise my daughter? How was I going to explain it to my friends and family? And what if she couldn’t handle it? What if she was unstable? What if she was some kind of sociopath and - no, that's me, I was the crazy one in this scenario. A waterfall of questions poured into my brain, but when I gave Rita another look, it was like snorting fucking magic dust.
She was here, and she was beautiful and could be mine for...a while, at least. Maybe that was how it was supposed to be. Maybe she was finding her way to me when she fell flat on the pavement.
Looking at myself in the mirror, I shook my head. Look at me trying to find some transcendental meaning in my own stupidity. If Zach were here, he'd smack me on the forehead; he didn’t need any more reasons to take my masculinity for a joke.
With a lot of effort, I convinced Rita to hop in the shower so we could head down to eat. It was a great idea to find a table outside, having breakfast next to a space heater while enjoying the crisp and frozen scenery of the gardens. Man, I had a hard day in front of me.
I ordered a black tea for me - the only one I allowed myself to drink during the day. I tried to stay caffeine free - and a full breakfast for her. I was a quick learner. Rita liked the eggs Benedict on a butter croissant, probably not a big fan of fish; she didn't even touch the smoked salmon, but the woman loved her pancakes. She was on her second portion.
"Should I stop? You're watching me funny. Are you scared I'm gonna get fat and ugly?"
Her genuine concern made me giggle.
"You could never be ugly, Rita and it's very hard to not say something cheesy about how a few extra pounds only means more of you to love."
Her laugh was clear like a raindrop and captured the admiring looks of an older couple at the table nearby. She was like a magnet of joy. My newly discovered selfish side thought about how many beautiful laughs she could gift to Chelsea. My rational side said those were the laughs Chelsea and I would steal from her.
"James, are we going home today? To the...baby?
The tea turns into a hard rock in my throat, and I had to put all my strength into swallowing.
"Rita, I... only if you want to. Listen to me, you don't have to do it now. Love, no one will ever judge you for needing more time to absorb such information. As a physician, I would actually recommend that."
"But I want to. I'm scared that you wouldn't trust me to take care of her, or...I don't know. I always wanted to be a mother, since I was a little girl. I played with stuffed animals, changing their diapers and giving them the bottle. That's why I'm so hurt. My whole life, I wanted to be a mother, and now, I’ve forgotten my own child."
I knew immediately that I trusted her to take care of Chelsea, and I wasn’t sure what this said about me as a father. I'd make an educated guess and say nothing good.
"No, stop tormenting yourself for something that's not your fault." I should be the only one tortured by guilt. "My only hesitation is that Chelsea will be too much for you, and this is not a bad thing. How many times do I have to tell you to take it easy because you were in a traumatic incident, love?"
I was elbows deep in this mess, but there was a piece of me that could never stop being a doctor. I worried for her as if she were my patient - which in this case was both immoral and weird - but I needed to take everything into consideration. I had hurt this woman enough already; the least I could do was make sure she had a good recovery. From all the people in the world, she earned this from me.
"I wanna see her. I wanna go home with you. I..."
"Everything you want. Everything you desire, I will do, Rita. Never hesitate to ask me for anything. We could take a vacation if you think it will help, you, me and Chelsea. Maybe a cabin in Montana would serve us good, or some beach time?"
"James..."
"Maybe shopping will help you more, or..."
