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She jumped up and kissed my cheek like a teenager excited about some boyband. Rita could morph from this childish, light hearted girl to the most sensual creature in the Chicago Metropolitan Area in a matter of seconds; it was her special talent, and it made my head spin.
"I think it's sweet that you are so caring. I care too, you know. It may not seem like I do because I don't remember shit past last week, but you and that sweet child of ours? You are literally my whole world. Friends, family, I can't remember anything except the two of you."
Her words were like a punch in my gut, and I found myself broken in half again. Fuck all of this. I was only a man, so yes, hearing that I was the center of this woman's universe made my balls grow, but I couldn’t stop thinking that maybe I was embezzling time and feelings from her.
"I know you do, love."
"Then why the long face? What's going on, James? Did the doctor tell you something that you're keeping from me?"
Was I that easy to read?
"No, not really."
"Not really?"
"The brain is a complicated organ, Rita. I spent the last twelve years of my life studying it, and it's nowhere near enough. Your memory loss can't be explained, and it can't be treated, and I'm realizing now that this is not a big thing for me. I understand the basics of what's happening, but how do you feel about it? There is a solid chance you might never recover those memories."
She stopped walking, and I turned to look her straight in her eyes. I knew that I was talking out of my ass to deflect from the real reason my mood went to hell, but this didn’t make it any less true. She might never remember, and many patients slipped into depressive episodes or severe anxiety when confronting this possibility. Considering her mental state before to the accident, the risks were even higher.
Rita crooked her head to the side and did something that surprised me. She smiled.
"James...you are the most amazing man I have ever known, or at least that I remember. So yeah, I may lose that part of my life, but I get to live it again. Next to you. You swooped me off my feet once, and you are really close to doing it again."
A small part of me was disappointed that we were not there yet.
I was losing my head over a woman that might wake up someday and realize I was nothing to her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We spent the whole day sightseeing. Getting to watch Rita fascinated by The Bean was one of the best moments I'd ever been part of, and she absolutely lost her mind over the Jay Pritzker pavilion. The woman had a soft spot for art, and it was exquisite to see her take it all in; it made me excited thinking about all the things I got to show her. The city of Chicago was a small piece of cosmopolitan heaven. I spent a lot of days exploring the streets, the museums and the shore of Lake Michigan when I first moved here. Alone. Avery was never a fan of the city; she called it an ‘old town.’ Los Angeles and New York were a better fit for the lifestyle she pictured for herself.
I realized this was the first time I had thought about her, or her absence, in days. Rita was a powerful band-aid, and if, in the beginning, thoughts of Avery mingled with this new reality I was trying to craft and navigate, the sex we had would erase that entirely. The way her body curved and twisted, the way she rode my dick, her dominant sexuality; nothing could compete with that side of Rita in my mind.
I got so used to her being at arm’s length. When I was walking through the Chicago Mercy General parking lot, going back to work, I felt like I was without a coat in January.
Mixed feelings described my mood with accuracy. My work was integrated in my being. As much as I loved staying home with the two most beautiful girls in the whole fucking world, nestled in our bubble of deception, my hand was craving a scalpel. Or a drill. Anything that could get me through the skull and into the brain of some poor bastard that ended up on my table.
Chief Sadin emailed me the preview of this new patient we had, a young woman who lost all cerebral activity for twenty minutes with no explanation. Now she presented with periodical seizures. Not a lot of people could understand the joy of a doctor when a hard case hit his practice. We felt bad for the patient, I knew I did, but hell, it was thrilling.
Walking through the doors and into the lobby, I allowed the space to take me. The agitation settled in, but in the best way possible, almost like some higher senses in me had awakened. It was familiar. It was good. It was exactly what I needed.
"Where the fuck have you been, jackass?"
Just like home.
I turned to the stairs to see Zach watching me with his arms crossed and scowling. I almost laughed out loud. It was good to be home.
"Hello, Zachary, old friend. You missed me, didn't you?"
"Missed? You're finally embracing your ovaries? What the fuck happened to you in Boston, man? You had that classified mysterious date then went MIA for two weeks. If you don't bring my goddaughter for a visit when you have your next shift, I'm calling CPS. Something is fishy here."
Instantly, I tensed up but managed to put a smile on my face. Zachary Ford was my best friend, as close to a brother as anyone could get, and I had to lie to him through my teeth.
You really make the worst decisions, James.
"Chelsea is home with her sitter, as happy as she can be." Technically, Rita was babysitting her so not entirely a lie. I was in the clear. "She had tummy problems, and I hadn’t taken personal leave in so long. It was the right thing to do. I wanna make sure she still has a balanced life now that..."
This got to Zach, and the frown on his face faded but not entirely. No one except London could smooth his edge entirely and put a smile on his face.
