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Panicking, I took a few steps back searching for some room to breathe. I felt crowded.
All the years I lost started coming back to me, all the dreams, the hopes, the pain, the people...
...But no trace of James or the baby - of any baby. I had never been pregnant. I was married, yes, I had a holy ceremony in a church but not with James. I was married to another man...
Nothing made sense. Why couldn’t I remember when I met James?
I tried to force myself to make some order of all the things I saw, all the horror, the fear, and find that happy little moment when I found my husband and changed my life, but it never came.
...My memory stopped in Boston. I escaped my one-bedroom apartment after a knife had been held to my throat. I ran aimlessly on the street looking for help. I saw a car; I saw people, and everything went black. That was when I had my head injury.
Oh, God! Oh, Holy Lord from above...
I couldn’t remember meeting him before that day because I never had.
He lied to me. My body had been beaten and bruised, but nothing had ever been so close to killing me as his lies.
I'd been robbed of my past and been dealt more future than I could handle.
I took London in the tightest bear hug and kissed her on both cheeks.
"I'm so happy for you two!"
"Thank you, James, for everything. For rooting for us from the start, for being his best man and such a good friend."
"I just took care of him until you got here, but as of today, this big jackass is your responsibility." I laughed and looked up to my best fucking friend for fifteen years. I'd seen him at his best and at his worst, but until today, I didn't think he was capable of crying. He was trying to hide it, but his eyes shimmered from the tears.
I went to grab his arm.
"You're a lucky son of a bitch. She's yours now. Legally."
"Can you fucking believe it? Also, don't call me a son of a bitch; mom will lose it if she hears you." Yeah, she grabbed us by the ears more than once for cursing.
"Maybe now you'll get that big head out of your ass and take care of that lady of yours."
"You really think you need to tell me that? That woman is my fucking world. I'll shoot you in the knee before I let anything happen to her."
"I'm happy for you too, Sullivan, that you found someone. It doesn't matter that you lured her in like a creep in the street; Rita is an amazing woman."
"She's more than that."
"Yes, so I'm shooting your advice right back at you, hold on to her. You need to tell her."
"Tell her what?" Was I missing something?
"The fucking truth. Tell her, then tell her you love her because it's obvious you do, you big pussy. Give her some good dick and make sure she never leaves you no matter what." My mouth went dry.
I couldn’t, could I?
"Let's think about this another time because today is about you and London."
He gave me another quick bro hug and walked away to be showered in congratulations from other guests. Zach was right. I was fucking lucky to have found Rita the way I did. A spontaneous need to hold her took over me, and I started searching for her with my eyes. The first thing I saw when I finally found her in the crowd was that she was looking down with a hand to her chest, like something just hit her and made her out of breath. Something was wrong. I knew it almost out of instinct.
I started walking at a fast peace, eager to get to her, pushing people out of my way. I was still ten steps away when she looked up, and our eyes locked. The torment and heartbreak in her eyes made me stop dead in my tracks.
I didn’t need any words. She knew. Rita got her memory back, and Zach's advice came a few seconds too late. A heartbeat too late. A life lost too late.
We sat like this, no one ready to move, until somehow, I found the strength to fight the paralyzing fear and get close enough so she could hear me.
