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For a moment, he didn’t say anything, just looked straight forward and let out a few furious breaths like he was a bull at the corrida.
“I don’t know how to this, Catherinelle.”
My heart dropped into my stomach.
“Do what?”
“I don’t know how to not look at you. I can’t sit with Gino and lie to his fucking face, knowing that I’m sleeping with his sister behind his back. He’s my boss, he’s my Don.”
“And I’m your…” but I stopped.
What the hell was I? What the hell were we? I was not his girlfriend; a man like Hugo, who was brute force was not the one to be called a boyfriend. In the end, it didn’t matter because whatever it was, it was worth defending.
“You are,” he said, and the lack of hesitation calmed me down. “But you don’t get it, Cat. I exist to help your brother. My only mission in life is to make sure he succeeds as a leader. You were raised to be a princess, a fucking queen. I was raised to watch Gino’s back and protect him with my life. I can’t be the one who puts the knife there. I can’t.”
He wasn’t mad, but some kind of disappointment was hanging heavy on his shoulders. He felt like he was failing my brother, but it wasn’t fair.
“What are you saying?”
“We need to stop, Cat. I don’t want to. I meant every word I said to you, but we need to.”
His almost love for me was not good enough – not strong enough – to keep us bound together. My gut was telling me that we would make it if Hugo would stop pulling away.
Disarmed by the conversation and feeling the pain cracking its way into my chest, I looked out the window so he wouldn’t see the tears gathering in my eyes.
“What about me, Hugo?”
“What?”
“What about me? Papa made sure Gino would have you to watch over him, even if it meant ruining you in the process. My grandfather is old; my mother is thinking about traveling the world. Gino is getting married. Ignazio is mourning Enzo. What about me?”
“Cat, come on,”
“If you look after Gino, who’s going to look after me?” The tears finally spilled out and started running slowly on my face. “Who’s gonna protect me when everyone else is busy with their lives? Who’s gonna protect me in a year or two when everyone who seeks an alliance with Gino will start chasing my hand?”
This last part got to him because the car started moving close to the curb and came to a stop.
“Look at me, princess.” His words were so smooth, I couldn’t help but obey. “I didn’t mean to say you’re not important. I’ll always be there watching over you. Whoever might try to get to you will have to get through me. Do you think anyone will succeed?”
The question made me smile through the tears.
“You’re built like a wall, Hugo. A tank couldn’t take you down.”
“See? Nothing to worry about, baby girl.”
I undid my seatbelt and crawled over the console to get closer to him. He caught me in an iron embrace while I took his face in my hands gently.
“It’s not enough, Monster. I need you close to me, kissing me, holding me. I can’t go back to not being with you, Hugo.”
“It’s hard for me too.”
It wasn’t hard. It was impossible.
“Don’t leave me,” I whispered. A part of me was hating this. I was Catherinelle Nucci. I didn’t beg. I didn’t ask twice, but here I was. “I won’t make your life hard. Let’s make a deal. Nothing goes on when Gino is within a fifty foot radius. No games, I promise.”
“I hate lying to him, Cat. It makes me sick. A man is nothing if he doesn’t have honor.”
“I’m not happy about it either. He’s my big brother, and I love him. I have never kept anything from Gino, ever, but I can’t not love you. I’m in too deep, Hugo.”
